Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Technology has
involved
in our Add a missing verb
been involved
everyday’s
life, not only for work purposes but Change noun form
everyday
also
served as a learning tool for Linking Words
children
and Use synonyms
adolescent
. Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
Thus
, Linking Words
many
younger age Change the quantifier
much
are
currently Change the verb form
is
enggaged
with devices Correct your spelling
engaged
on
their daily activities, resulting in several advantages yet drawbacks towards their personal and Change preposition
in
intelectual
growth. In my personal opinion, Correct your spelling
intellectual
this
phenomenon brought more positive impacts, especially in Linking Words
educational
field.
First and foremost, digital literacy is getting more popular and become Add an article
the educational
unseparable
from most of Correct your spelling
inseparable
school’s
curriculum, forcing every Add an article
the school’s
Use synonyms
children
regardless of their age to adapt Change to a singular noun
child
with
Change preposition
to
Linking Words
this
new advancing technologies. Correct determiner usage
these
While
some Linking Words
argued
that these Wrong verb form
argue
behavior
could lead to Fix the agreement mistake
behaviors
socially
isolated mindset, the unexpected benefits arise from the knowledge-processing ability, capability to actively Correct article usage
a socially
gained
information, and language development skills that derived from mastering smartphones since childhood. Wrong verb form
gain
Furthermore
, Linking Words
this
could boost one’s creativity to make new Linking Words
relationship
with friends, by utilizing social media as a tool to communicate with others.
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
On the other hand
, Linking Words
due to
heavy work burden and economic instability in recent days, many parents are spending more time in the office, thereby Linking Words
choose
to give their Wrong verb form
choosing
children
a mobile phone as a substitute Use synonyms
to
their presence. Change preposition
for
As a result
, many Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
getting
more dependent Verb problem
become
to
their Change preposition
on
gadget
, and Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
for
some circumstances, they tend to seek Change preposition
in
for
entertainment Change preposition
apply
instead
of study. Linking Words
Nevertheless
, Linking Words
this
concern could be addressed by applying a proper guide and Linking Words
continous
monitoring from parents or Correct your spelling
continuous
caregiver
as well.
Fix the agreement mistake
caregivers
As
Change preposition
In
a
conclusion, I Correct article usage
apply
had
Wrong verb form
have
strong
belief that technology plays an important role in major aspects of Add an article
a strong
children
’s Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
,
if it is used Remove the comma
apply
accordingly
and aimed to pursue better self-development.Linking Words
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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points. Instead of speaking in general terms, include concrete instances where technology has positively impacted children's learning or social skills.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Sometimes, the essay feels a bit vague, and more precise explanations would enhance understanding.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all arguments are logically structured. While there is a strong introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs could benefit from better connectivity between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Revisit your essay for sentences that appear awkward or unclear. Tidying up these areas will enhance readability and make your arguments more compelling.
general
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly stating your viewpoint and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, providing a balanced viewpoint before offering your opinion. This is a great approach to discussing a nuanced topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.