Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Technology has
involved
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been involved
show examples
in our
everyday’s
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everyday
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life, not only for work purposes but
also
served as a learning tool for
children
and
adolescent
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adolescents
show examples
.
Thus
,
many
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much
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younger age
are
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is
show examples
currently
enggaged
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engaged
with devices
on
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in
show examples
their daily activities, resulting in several advantages yet drawbacks towards their personal and
intelectual
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intellectual
growth. In my personal opinion,
this
phenomenon brought more positive impacts, especially in
educational
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the educational
show examples
field. First and foremost, digital literacy is getting more popular and become
unseparable
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inseparable
from most of
school’s
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the school’s
show examples
curriculum, forcing every
children
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child
show examples
regardless of their age to adapt
with
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to
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
new advancing technologies.
While
some
argued
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argue
show examples
that these
behavior
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behaviors
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could lead to
socially
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a socially
show examples
isolated mindset, the unexpected benefits arise from the knowledge-processing ability, capability to actively
gained
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gain
show examples
information, and language development skills that derived from mastering smartphones since childhood.
Furthermore
,
this
could boost one’s creativity to make new
relationship
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relationships
show examples
with friends, by utilizing social media as a tool to communicate with others.
On the other hand
,
due to
heavy work burden and economic instability in recent days, many parents are spending more time in the office, thereby
choose
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choosing
show examples
to give their
children
a mobile phone as a substitute
to
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for
show examples
their presence.
As a result
, many
children
getting
Verb problem
become
show examples
more dependent
to
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on
show examples
their
gadget
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gadgets
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, and
for
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in
show examples
some circumstances, they tend to seek
for
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apply
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entertainment
instead
of study.
Nevertheless
,
this
concern could be addressed by applying a proper guide and
continous
Correct your spelling
continuous
monitoring from parents or
caregiver
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caregivers
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as well.
As
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In
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, I
had
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have
show examples
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
belief that technology plays an important role in major aspects of
children
’s
life
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lives
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,
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apply
show examples
if it is used
accordingly
and aimed to pursue better self-development.
Submitted by lydiaia on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points. Instead of speaking in general terms, include concrete instances where technology has positively impacted children's learning or social skills.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Sometimes, the essay feels a bit vague, and more precise explanations would enhance understanding.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all arguments are logically structured. While there is a strong introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs could benefit from better connectivity between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Revisit your essay for sentences that appear awkward or unclear. Tidying up these areas will enhance readability and make your arguments more compelling.
general
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly stating your viewpoint and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, providing a balanced viewpoint before offering your opinion. This is a great approach to discussing a nuanced topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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