IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
Some
individuals
 are convicted of
punishment
due to
 the
crime
 that has been done
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them and
then
 still commit more crimes. In
this
 essay, the reasons and solutions which might help to reduce
this
 problem will be discussed.
To begin
 with,
people
 becoming more and more brave after doing the same thing all over again. By repeating something
people
 will be more master in the job they work, and
this
 can lead them to get used to it. occupations,
such
 as business owners can significantly reduce the salaries of blue-collar by making mistakes.
In addition
, being punished for the first time is always the hardest as
individuals
 never know what would happen after or how bad the
punishment
 is going to be.
However
, first-time
punishment
 is always the hardest for
individuals
 and as the
punishment
 increases it will be useless. The most convenient and simplest way for the state is to punish offenders harder and make
people
 not think of any
crime
 in the first place.
For instance
, more crimes need to be life imprisonment in
this
 case no one would even think of any
crime
. In conclusion, repeating the
crime
 makes
people
 braver and always the first
punishment
 is the most effective the rest
individuals
 would get used to it.
Submitted by amir.lajevardi84 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop your arguments with more specific examples and clearer explanations. This will make your points stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between ideas to ensure that the essay flows smoothly. It will help in maintaining a logical progression throughout your writing.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of the same point in different words. Instead, focus on providing new insights or supporting details to expand your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You addressed both parts of the prompt by discussing reasons for repeat offenses and suggesting measures to mitigate them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!