IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

*The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives.* *To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement*

#*the #aim #science #people #lives #*to #statement*
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The very crucial concern of
science
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 should be to develop the lives of
people
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.
Science
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 should necessarily make
people
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's lives easier. It's indispensable for
science
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 to discover more ways that can help humans do their work. There is a huge extension in behalf of positive growth but
also
Linking Words
 there are some drawbacks that concur with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Let's go on to elucidate both aspects. First of all, it's true that
science
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 is helping
people
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 to do most of their tasks in daily
life
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.
Science
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 has discovered a range of inventions from the past to now. When we see the inventions of
science
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, it only exhibits the development of
life
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.
For example
Linking Words
, when we go to see the past there is no basic facility that can be seen.
People
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 lived in the caves, forests and
tribe's
Change the noun form
tribes
tribe
show examples
 for the safety of their lives. They did not even the safe food to eat. In short,
life
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 was very hard before
science
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. Now
people
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 are living a very comfortable
life
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 and enjoying many inventories of
science
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.
This
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 aspect of
science
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 enables me to agree that
science
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 should play a substantial role in improving
life
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.
As there
Correct word choice
There
show examples
 are
also
Linking Words
 some negative aspects to agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
people
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 are becoming lazy and dull day by day
due to
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 some inventions of
science
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.
This
Linking Words
 means that
science
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 has discovered enough ways to help
people
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 stay free.
For instance
Linking Words
, the discovery of robots has made
people
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 pay less attention to their work. There are
also
Linking Words
 some machines that replace
people
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 for work purposes. In conclusion, it's not a lie to say that the most important object of
science
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 should be to upgrade the living system but
this
Linking Words
 statement is true only for certain limits.
Submitted by mianraza686 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the development of ideas in the body paragraphs needs more clarity and coherence. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt adequately but lacks depth in some arguments. Make sure to fully explore both sides of the argument and provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your points.
task achievement
Avoid vague statements and ensure that each point is specific and supported by detailed examples. This will help in making your arguments more compelling and clear.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both positive and negative aspects of science in relation to the prompt.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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