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Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
In some
places
Add a comma
places,
show examples
 tertiary
students
 live with their parents and siblings
while
 attending
university
while
 in other places
students
studies
Replace the word
study
show examples
 at a
university
 in a different
city
. Some people believe that living
awayn
Correct your spelling
away
 from home is not beneficial
due to
 several reasons
while
 some believe that it is. In
this
 essay, I will list
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the benefits of living away from home
while
 attending
university
. Having
one
's own space
while
 attending
university
 is beneficial to the learner as it will develop different
skills
.
Firstly
,
university
students
 will be able to learn how to live independently
as well as
 it will improve their
skills
 in doing house tasks on their own. Another benefit of living away from home is that
students
 will be able to enhance their budgeting
skills
. Since they are away from family and only given a specific budget to make do either weekly or monthly.
For example
, I was living in a dorm and was given an allowance each week,
this
 made me enhance my budgeting
skills
 as I would need to manage it to be able to have a little money
left-over
Correct your spelling
left over
show examples
 for savings.
Lastly
,
students
 are able to start anew.
This
 means that
students
 are able to foster and create new friends and to be able to have personal growth.
On the other hand
, living and studying in a different
city
 may have some downsides.
One
 of the
downside
Change to a plural noun
downsides
show examples
 is that
students
 may lack emotional
support
. Since family is a system
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 an individual can mainly get emotional
support
 from, having
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
 away can
signifcantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 decrease emotional
support
 as they would not be able to physically see
one
's stress.
For example
, since I was studying in a different
city
, my mother was not able to give her full emotional
support
 and was only giving me tips on how to handle it as she was not able to travel to the
city
 as it is quite far from where we live. In
conlcusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, living and studying in another
city
 is beneficial for
one
's personal growth and developing
skills
such
 as budgeting
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,
one
 of the disadvantages of
this
 is the lack of emotional
support
 from
one
's family.
However
,personally, the advantages of studying and living in a different
surpasses
Change the verb form
surpass
show examples
 the downsides.
Submitted by estillorericamae on

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task response
Your introduction sets up the essay well, but some sentences are a bit awkward. Consider rephrasing for clarity. For example, "Some people believe that living away from home is not beneficial due to several reasons while some believe that it is" could be rephrased to "Opinions differ on whether living away from home while attending university is beneficial."
coherence cohesion
You have good main points, but make sure each paragraph focuses on one central idea. Your second body paragraph conflates two points: budgeting skills and living independently. Try to separate these into distinct paragraphs for clarity.
task response
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and typos, such as "awayn" which should be "away" and "conlcusion" which should be "conclusion." Proofreading your essay before final submission can help catch these errors.
task response
You’ve provided relevant examples, which strengthen your argument. However, ensure each example clearly ties back to the main point of the paragraph and the overall thesis. For instance, your example about budgeting skills could be more explicitly linked to the benefit of developing independence.
task response
Your essay covers a range of points supporting the benefits of living away from home during university, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reaffirms your stance, which is crucial for a coherent essay.
coherence cohesion
You use transitions well to guide the reader through your essay, making it easy to follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
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