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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts compare the total quantity of
students
Use synonyms
 per class in primary schools in four
states
Use synonyms
 of
Australia
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, namely New South Wales, South
Australia
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,
Australia
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 Capital
Territory
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, and Western
Australia
Use synonyms
 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective,
Australia
Use synonyms
's primary
classes
Use synonyms
 were mainly under 25
students
Use synonyms
 and the more-than-30-student
classes
Use synonyms
 were least common across all
states
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, looking at
classes
Use synonyms
 with 30
students
Use synonyms
 and more, the figures for those were 1% in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Australia
show examples
Australia
Change noun form
Australia's
show examples
 Capital
Use synonyms
territory
Capitalize word
Territory
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and 4-5% in three other
states
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in terms of 26-to-30-student
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
classes
Use synonyms
 came
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 second least popular size in New South Wales and Western
Australia
Use synonyms
 with 33% and 27%, respectively
while
Linking Words
 in
Correct article usage
the Autralia
show examples
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
Australian
 Capital
Territory
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 category made up just
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
. The
classes
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 with 21 to 25 members accounted for the highest proportion in almost
Use synonyms
states
Correct determiner usage
all states
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, South
Australia
Use synonyms
 was the exception at that time with just
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 class
size
Fix the agreement mistake
sizes
show examples
 was less than 20
students
Use synonyms
, which occupied a good percentage of 38% and 36% in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Australia
show examples
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 Capital
Territory
Use synonyms
 and South
Australia
Use synonyms
, respectively, and a quarter in New South Wales and
Wastern
Correct your spelling
Western
Australia
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, states, australia, territory, classes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary school
  • class size
  • proportion
  • average
  • trends
  • small/medium/large classes
  • implications
  • quality of education
  • teacher workload
  • comparison
  • variance
  • state-by-state analysis
  • education policy
  • statistical representation
  • pie chart interpretation
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