IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say early education is important in a child’s life while others say spending time with family is more vital. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #education #child’s #life #time
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There are two different opinions regarding education, one part of the
worlds'
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world's
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 population thinks that early education is more important,
whereas
Linking Words
 others say spending
time
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 with the
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
 has a bigger impact on the
persons'
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person's
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life
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. In my
opininion
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opinion
, beginning to study in
a
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an
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 early
life
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 stage is more important
due to
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 its positive
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on
everyones'
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everyone's
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 career and knowledge.
Firstly
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, it is very important to mention that nowadays, most of the families do not have
time
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 to educate their children in a proper way. As
life
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,
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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inflation, is getting more expensive, a large amount of families have to work more hours to pay their bills and
every day
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everyday
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 costs. In the US,
for instance
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, the average number of
working-hours
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working hours
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 that a person has to cover over a week
equate
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equates
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 to about
fourty
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forty
four
.
This
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 leads to a lack of
time
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 for the parents for their children and would make it impossible to educate them in a proper way.
In addition
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, school
determinates
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determines
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 our future
life
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 path including our working career. Starting at an early stage of
life
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getting
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and getting
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 educated at school makes it
more
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apply
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easier to
acknoledge
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
 what job a person wants to achieve.
For instance
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, children who know that they like more scientific subjects than
humanic
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human
humanistic
 ones
,
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apply
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 will more likely choose to work in that area.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 permits them to choose the right school and
subsequently
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 the right
lifep
Correct your spelling
life
 path.
To sum up
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, it is vital
to begin
Linking Words
 education at an early
life
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 stage, because it makes it easier to know what people want, and avoids parents'
time
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 problems.
Submitted by brama.chris on

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task achievement
Try to use a more balanced argument strategy by addressing both sides more deeply. While you have supported your points well, acknowledging the counterarguments and discussing them would provide a more comprehensive answer.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor errors and possible typos. Proofreading can help eliminate mistakes and improve your essay's readability. For instance, 'familily' should be 'family' and 'forty' instead of 'fourty'.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, aim to enhance the coherence between paragraphs by using transitional phrases and connectors more frequently. This can make your essay flow more smoothly from one point to the next.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your stance on the subject.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your claims, like mentioning the average working hours in the US.
task achievement
Your main arguments are clear, and you have made a strong effort to support them.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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