Some people say early education is important in a child’s life while others say spending time with family is more vital. To what extent do you agree or disagree
There are two different opinions regarding education, one part of the
worlds'
population thinks that early education is more important, Change noun form
world's
whereas
others say spending time
with the familiy
has a bigger impact on the Correct your spelling
family
persons'
Change noun form
person's
life
. In my opininion
, beginning to study in Correct your spelling
opinion
a
early Change the article
an
life
stage is more important due to
its positive impacts
on Fix the agreement mistake
impact
everyones'
career and knowledge.
Change noun form
everyone's
Firstly
, it is very important to mention that nowadays, most of the families do not have time
to educate their children in a proper way. As life
, due to
the
inflation, is getting more expensive, a large amount of families have to work more hours to pay their bills and Correct article usage
apply
every day
costs. In the US, Replace the word
everyday
for instance
, the average number of working-hours
that a person has to cover over a week Correct your spelling
working hours
equate
to about Correct subject-verb agreement
equates
fourty
. Correct your spelling
forty
four
This
leads to a lack of time
for the parents for their children and would make it impossible to educate them in a proper way.
In addition
, school determinates
our future Replace the word
determines
life
path including our working career. Starting at an early stage of life
getting
educated at school makes it Correct word choice
and getting
more
easier to Change the word
apply
acknoledge
what job a person wants to achieve. Correct your spelling
acknowledge
For instance
, children who know that they like more scientific subjects than humanic
onesCorrect your spelling
human
humanistic
,
will more likely choose to work in that area. Remove the comma
apply
Furthermore
, this
permits them to choose the right school and subsequently
the right lifep
path.
Correct your spelling
life
To sum up
, it is vital to begin
education at an early life
stage, because it makes it easier to know what people want, and avoids parents' time
problems.Submitted by brama.chris on
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task achievement
Try to use a more balanced argument strategy by addressing both sides more deeply. While you have supported your points well, acknowledging the counterarguments and discussing them would provide a more comprehensive answer.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor errors and possible typos. Proofreading can help eliminate mistakes and improve your essay's readability. For instance, 'familily' should be 'family' and 'forty' instead of 'fourty'.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, aim to enhance the coherence between paragraphs by using transitional phrases and connectors more frequently. This can make your essay flow more smoothly from one point to the next.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your stance on the subject.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your claims, like mentioning the average working hours in the US.
task achievement
Your main arguments are clear, and you have made a strong effort to support them.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.