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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the nuber of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the nuber of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line chart shows
infirmation
Correct your spelling
information
show examples
 about the
number
Use synonyms
 of people who had come to
burnaby
Change the capitalization
Burnaby
show examples
 public Library to read books from 2011 to 2014,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has been categorised into two genders.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there is
comparing
Correct your spelling
a comparison
show examples
 between two genders including men and women. Generally reading, of books by men more than women.
Use synonyms
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of male
readers
Use synonyms
 rose gradually which is (
approximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 3000) to 4000 between
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2011 to 2012.
Then
Linking Words
contiuned
Correct your spelling
continued
 rocketed from 4000 in 2013 to 14000 in 2014. The
number
Use synonyms
 of male
readers
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 likely to increase
further
Linking Words
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of female
readers
Use synonyms
 increased
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 from 5000 in 2011 to 10000 in 2013.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female
readers
Use synonyms
 plummeted from 10000 to 7000 between
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2013 to 2014. Unfortunately
number
Use synonyms
 of female
readers
Use synonyms
 hit a peak
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in 2013, it is 10000. In
Linking Words
additionally
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, these two
readers
Use synonyms
who has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 declined since 2013 for
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
men's
Change noun form
men
show examples
 have jumped more than twofold.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, readers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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