Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?

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In my opinion,The
modren
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modern
lifestyle is the main reason,We
went
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have gone
show examples
from doing
a
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apply
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physical daily
activitys
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activities
activity
to rarely moving our
bodyes
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bodies
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,
Also
the food is
completly
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completely
changed
from
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in
show examples
tha
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the
past few years,It is a normal thing to eat unhealthy foods
for example
like chips,sweets,
junkfoods
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junk foods
and
suger
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sugar
,
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apply
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when a fewer amount of
people
try to be
healther
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healthier
healthy
much more other live there
lifes
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lives
show examples
with out
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without
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concedering
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considering
health issues,
How ever
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However
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there are
people
give the blame to the gym prices
due to
the high costs of them there are
less
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fewer
show examples
people
could go the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
gym,But is the gym the only way to be healthy?I do not think so Walking every morning could be a great thing
to
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for
show examples
other health,cooking more often and eating
out side
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outside
show examples
less would save
alot
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a lot
of calories,when adult's
hapits
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habits
improve children surly will be affected,if a child
saw
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sees
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there
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their
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mother or father care about their health they would follow them,In order to
chang
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change
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the world at the far or near future we need to
rise
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raise
show examples
the younger
people
to be more aware for the
strggle
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struggle
of the
now days
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nowadays
show examples
.
Submitted by 12gna13 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay contains good points, but try to organize them better. Start with a clear introduction that states the problem and briefly mentions the causes and solutions you will discuss. End with a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
language
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. There are several small errors like missing apostrophes and wrong word forms that can be easily corrected.
coherence cohesion
Separate your essay into paragraphs. This makes it easier to read and helps to clearly present each idea. One paragraph for causes, one for solutions, and so on.
task achievement
You have identified relevant causes such as modern lifestyle changes and unhealthy eating habits.
task achievement
You have suggested practical solutions such as walking every morning and cooking more often, which are applicable and realistic.
engagement
Your writing shows a genuine concern for the issue and provides a personal touch, which is engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Prevalent
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Comfort eating
  • Screen time
  • Physical education
  • Nutritional education
  • Economic disparities
  • Food deserts
  • Subsidize
  • Advertising
  • Weight management
  • Junk food
  • Healthy food options
  • Physical activity
  • Body image
  • Counseling
  • Consumer education
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