Many people belive that schools should teach children to become good citizens and workers rather than independent individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.

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People

have different views as to whether academic institutions should educate younger

people

to become good residents and workers rather than freethinking

people

. In my opinion, despite being independent humans provide some benefits, I firmly believe that the other aspect brings about many more advantages. On the one hand, there are two main reasons why educational institutions should focus on producing independent humans.

Firstly

, children will have more responsibility, which is an essential skill for success.

For example

, they would learn how to take care of themselves

such

as going to school by themselves, completing homework, and doing housework, all of

this

could lighten the burden of parents.

Secondly

, children will grow up strongly in terms of mental and physical. To illustrate, they can handle a tough situation well with more composure, and they will not easily get manipulated by

people

around them, which means that they will become adults faster than usual.

On the other hand

, there is one indispensable reason why schools should instruct educators to become quality humans and employees. It is because

this

approach can lead to a better society. In doing so, children will have quality and good manners, establishing a perfect community to live

Change preposition

in.

show examples

In addition

, becoming good workers results in high salaries, which reduces the unemployment rate.

Consequently

, it reduces the motivation of

people

to commit criminal activities and solves inequality issues simultaneously. In conclusion,

although

independent individuals are important and should be taught, I genuinely believe that becoming good

people

and labourers is far more essential.

Submitted by pandin21 on Tue Jul 30 2024

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relevant specific examples

Ensure each main point is thoroughly supported with specific, relevant examples to strengthen arguments. For instance, when discussing the benefits of being good citizens and workers, provide concrete examples from real-life scenarios or studies.

logical structure

Improve paragraph transitions for smoother flow. For example, using transition phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', or 'On the contrary' could enhance the logical structure.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction clearly states the issue and provides a clear opinion, setting a solid foundation for the essay.

introduction conclusion present

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, ensuring that the argument is easy to follow from start to finish.

supported main points

The main points are well-supported with explanations that are developed logically.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Many people belive that schools should teach children to become good citizens and workers rather than independent individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age and live in a city. Why do you think they move to cities? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for young people?

To learn effecrively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors in major sports competition such as Olympic Games and football World Cup etc. It is better to spend money encouraging children take up sports at a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?