Many people belive that schools should teach children to become good citizens and workers rather than independent individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.

People
have different views as to whether academic institutions should educate younger
people
to become good residents and workers rather than freethinking
people
. In my opinion, despite being independent humans provide some benefits, I firmly believe that the other aspect brings about many more advantages. On the one hand, there are two main reasons why educational institutions should focus on producing independent humans.
Firstly
, children will have more responsibility, which is an essential skill for success.
For example
, they would learn how to take care of themselves
such
as going to school by themselves, completing homework, and doing housework, all of
this
could lighten the burden of parents.
Secondly
, children will grow up strongly in terms of mental and physical. To illustrate, they can handle a tough situation well with more composure, and they will not easily get manipulated by
people
around them, which means that they will become adults faster than usual.
On the other hand
, there is one indispensable reason why schools should instruct educators to become quality humans and employees. It is because
this
approach can lead to a better society. In doing so, children will have quality and good manners, establishing a perfect community to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
In addition
, becoming good workers results in high salaries, which reduces the unemployment rate.
Consequently
, it reduces the motivation of
people
to commit criminal activities and solves inequality issues simultaneously. In conclusion,
although
independent individuals are important and should be taught, I genuinely believe that becoming good
people
and labourers is far more essential.
Submitted by pandin21 on

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relevant specific examples
Ensure each main point is thoroughly supported with specific, relevant examples to strengthen arguments. For instance, when discussing the benefits of being good citizens and workers, provide concrete examples from real-life scenarios or studies.
logical structure
Improve paragraph transitions for smoother flow. For example, using transition phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', or 'On the contrary' could enhance the logical structure.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the issue and provides a clear opinion, setting a solid foundation for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, ensuring that the argument is easy to follow from start to finish.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with explanations that are developed logically.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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