IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The figures
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of men and
women
Use synonyms
 who were employed and aged 60-64 in four regimes in the years 1970 and 2000. The units of measurement were given in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of males working superseded that of
women
Use synonyms
 in all the four states given.
Japan
Use synonyms
 had the highest percentage as far as
men
Correct your spelling
male
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 employees were concerned in both the two years
whereas
Linking Words
 Belgium had
a the
Choose an article
the
show examples
 lowest percentage. For
women
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 had a large
number
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
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 working-class females for both years and Belgium had
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 employees.
Firstly
Linking Words
, male employees were
spotted
Verb problem
expected
show examples
 to work more in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and the
number
Use synonyms
 was 85% in the year 1970
while
Linking Words
 in 2000 there were only 19 per cent workers in Belgium.
Although
Linking Words
 the USA had 73% in 1970, there was a decline in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 in 2000 as there were only 54%. As far as
women
Use synonyms
 were concerned, only
Japan
Use synonyms
 had 43% and 40% workers in 1970 and 2000 respectively.
The other
Correct article usage
Other
show examples
 countries
such
Linking Words
 as the USA,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and Australia had between 16%-39% of female workers in both 1970 and 2000.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, women, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • percentage
  • trend
  • significant change
  • overall employment
  • societal changes
  • economic conditions
  • government policies
  • compare
  • highlight
  • individual country analysis
  • increased/decreased
  • similarities and differences
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