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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#methods #society
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Living in a consumer era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of companies are fighting for client’s attention and
that is
 why many people are surrounded by permanent
ads
 on
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 daily basis. These days, modern advertising methods are considered to be one of the most crucial social problems around the world. I personally believe that a plethora of nowadays
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 is immoral
due to
 the invasive way of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 publication and
level
Correct article usage
the level
show examples
 of sensitivity and awareness among different age groups. Generally, almost everyone on the Earth has come across some
type
 of modern
ads
Fix the agreement mistake
ad
show examples
 at least once in their life.
Additionally
, a huge number of those advertisements
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very distracting and often unavoidable
such
 as
this
 kind of
pop up
Add a hyphen
pop-up
show examples
ads
, which adverts casino or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 bets. There is no doubt, that
this
type
 of
advertisement
 is very dangerous not only for young people, who might be interested in earning money in a short time, but
also
 for those, who previously have given up from ludomania and
then
 started gambling again after having seen an advert. Telemarketing is supposed to be another
type
 of irritating
advertisement
.
On
Change preposition
At
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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first
glance
Add a comma
glance,
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 it may seem
as
Change preposition
like
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 a harmless method as a person always can hang
the
Change preposition
up the
show examples
 cold call
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
However
,
this
type
 of
advertisement
 is usually really infuriating and disturbing because some corporation’s representatives can disrupt people not only
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 can call at night.
Nevertheless
, there are still many companies, which work honestly, without making irritating
ads
 or repetitive commercials.
For example
, having heard a catchy advertising song, a person wouldn’t suffer a lot even if that jingle got stuck in their head, which makes them immoral.
Overall
, in my personal opinion
such
 unethical methods of advertising as commercials,
pop up
Add a hyphen
pop-up
show examples
ads
, telemarketing and many others may lead to considerable consequences in various spheres of
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life.
Submitted by staciia_ju on

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task achievement
While you have successfully introduced and concluded your essay, it's important to further develop your main points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. This will help to ensure that your ideas are communicated more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the flow and structure of your sentences. For example, breaking up overly long sentences into smaller, more manageable parts can help improve readability. This will also enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your arguments well.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as the discussion on pop-up ads and telemarketing, adds depth to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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