In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #first #child #development

it is true that individuals are having their first child at an older age. There are various

reasons

for

this

, and it brings about many more drawbacks to society. There are two main

reasons

why

this

trend

is becoming more popular. The first contributing factor is

people

's financial situation. To illustrate, in

this

economic crisis era, the price of products and housing is increasing, and it is difficult to find a stable job with an appropriate income, so younger individuals tend to have a baby when their finances are stable.

Secondly

, it is the world's

trend

For example

, nowadays,

people

love to explore or travel,

also

they hate to carry a burden and choose to stay single.

However

, when they are tired from those adventures, they

then

decide to build a family.

This

trend

provides benefits and negatives to the society. The advantage of

this

approach would be that stress and pressure would no longer be observed for those

people

This

is because they do not have to work harder to feed their children and be responsible for extra expenses

such

as tuition fees.

Nonetheless

, there is

also

a negative side to

this

idea.

Firstly

, the elderly population in a particular country will increase.

For instance

, in Japan, the government's revenue is decreasing since the older

people

pay less tax. In conclusion, there are several

reasons

why

this

trend

is happening and it provides both pros and cons, but I firmly believe

that is

more about disadvantages than advantages for the aforementioned

reasons

Submitted by pandin21 on Tue Jul 30 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the prompt and provides reasons and examples. However, try to include more diverse and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

Your ideas are generally clear, but they would benefit from more detailed explanations and elaborations to fully develop them.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is mostly clear, but some parts could flow more smoothly. Consider using more transition words to enhance the coherence.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This makes your arguments clearer and easier to follow.

coherence cohesion

Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.

task achievement

The main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Shift
Trend
Societal norms
Education and career
Financial stability
Reproductive technologies
Delayed marriages
Parenting responsibilities
Life expectancy
Family planning

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