The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has led to problems in both social and medical aspects. What are the problems caused by the use of mobile phones and what soliutions can you suggest ?
The variety of mobile
phone
usage has been extending dramatically year by year in new
era, having Add an article
a new
the new
impact
on many ways in people's Add an article
an impact
lifestyle
. Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
However
, rely
on using mobile Wrong verb form
relying
phone
has caused crucial Fix the agreement mistake
phones
society
and medical problems. Replace the word
societal
This
essay will discuss these issues and possible solutions to reduce their effects.
One of the difficulty
is health concerns over Fix the agreement mistake
difficulties
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
phone
usage. Most research have
reported screen Change the verb form
has
brightning
has been effected harmful Correct your spelling
brightening
brightness
in
our eyesight and brain functions. Change preposition
to
For example
, if we use
more than thirty minutes of mobile phones, it will affect reducible eyesight while
risk
of insomnia Change preposition
at risk
due to
the lack of rest of the brain.
Another one
trouble is society because Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
you can't Change preposition
apply
communication
with outside. Replace the word
communicate
This
means that,
many Remove the comma
apply
individual
are using mobile Change to a plural noun
individuals
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
everytime
, which is having lunch, dinner, dating Replace the word
every time
also
leisure time. Certainly,it can also
be hollow
relationship with other people, Add an article
a hollow
the hollow
such
as family member
and Fix the agreement mistake
members
freinds
.
A potential solution Correct your spelling
friends
that is
step by step as slowly as possible, because the human body and brain can not immediately accept a change in habits. So, first
we should access our mobile Add a comma
first,
phone
which is thirty minutes using your mobile phone
, after that
it Correct pronoun usage
apply
has
already on time, Verb problem
is
cell
Add an article
the cell
a cell
phone
would be locked by
automatically. Change preposition
apply
Futhermore
, you can decrease your minutes day by day. Correct your spelling
Furthermore
Also
Add a comma
Also,
this
solution is very simple and useful.
To sum up
, the use
of smart phones
in modern days is a process of learning to practice proper Correct your spelling
smartphones
use
to solve major health and social problems caused by excessive use
and misuse by inappropriate users. I believe that people can apply this
solution in their life
and spend more time on health and social life.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both the problems and solutions related to mobile phone usage, which demonstrates a complete response to the task. However, try to be more specific with your examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Some of your ideas are clear and insightful but could be improved with more comprehensive vocabulary and sentence structure. For example, instead of 'it will affect reducible eyesight', you could say 'it can lead to diminished eyesight'.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas. For instance, you could use phrases like 'In addition to health concerns, another issue is...' to make your essay flow better.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer paragraphing and structure. Each paragraph should ideally cover one main idea, supported by examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your essay well.
task achievement
You successfully identified two main problems caused by mobile phone usage and offered a practical solution.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...