IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think it is better for one single legal system throughout the world. Others say countries should have their own law. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Several discussions surround the opinion that the world should
be imposed
Wrong verb form
impose
show examples
 one set of rules.
By contrast
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, societies said public areas might have their own orders.
However
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,
this
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 essay will shed light on the matter by showing both sides of the equation have their positives, albeit with a stronger argument supporting the best statement, which will be presented in the next paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, there are a number of justifications to justify why imposing only a system of policies, might be a good idea.
Firstly
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, various countries have imposed strict edicts, which had their sustainable and logical policies.
Consequently
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, combining these rules into one can make the most of the
peaceful
Replace the word
peace
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 in the world.
Therefore
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, it could help poor countries to develop their facilities and
also
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 create a sustainable environment for their citizens.
For instance
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, England could not manage their citizens throughout their acts,
consequently
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,
who
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 needed to obey the UK's strict policies.
Additionally
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,
on the other hand
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, there are several effects, contributing to the
contrast
Replace the word
contrasting
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 idea of
this
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 issue.
As well as
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 the variation of public areas, which have their own traditions and cultures, particularly imposing
such
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 general laws was defective for these places, which could influence low-rate impacts for their locals.
For instance
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, ordinary attitudes in Australia can be seen as committing a crime in America,
consequently
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, negatively which differentiates between countries.
As a result
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, motherlands should create their own laws, particularly
which
Correct pronoun usage
those that
show examples
 can be positively sustainable for their locals.
However
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, it is true that lands have their problems with their laws,
as well as
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this
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 might not be perfect.
To conclude
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, our choices have their pros and cons as was stated in the previous paragraphs.
However
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, in my opinion, carrying out various instructions to be logical for lands, presents much more benefits rather than others.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a complete response to the prompt, offering both sides of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in addressing each point with more clarity and to a fuller extent. Ensure each paragraph conveys a clear idea and fully supports it with relevant examples.
task achievement
Work on enhancing the clarity of your ideas. Sometimes your sentences can be a bit convoluted, which affects comprehension. Aim for straightforward sentence structures and avoid over-complicating your points.
coherence cohesion
There are some inconsistencies and awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow of your argument. Make sure each paragraph seamlessly ties into the next. A logical progression and smooth transitions between ideas will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is adequate, but refining the introduction and conclusion can make your argument more compelling. Be explicit in stating your thesis and summarizing your main points.
task response
You've successfully presented both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is crucial for coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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