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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many children today spend a lot of time on social media which hurts their grades. what is the cause of this? What can be done to solve this ?

#children #time #media #grades
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Nowadays,
large
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a large
the large
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 number of kids
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 being involved
to
Change preposition
in
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 wasting
time
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 on social
media
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, and
this
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 can lead to problems at school.
This
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 essay will discuss the main reasons
of
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for
show examples
this
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 kind of
issues
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issue
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 and propose possible solutions to avoid them.
To begin
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 with, the main causes of spending
time
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 on social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 is that almost every child
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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an
Remove the article
apply
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access to the
internet
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 and there
less
Add a missing verb
is less
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 control from
parents
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. A growing number of
aviability
Correct your spelling
availability
 of technological devices lead
children
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 to less concentration on their studies and
rapid
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rapidly
show examples
 drop their grades. Because of
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this
Add a comma
this,
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 they can miss some important lessons at school. What is more, today, a lot of families
is
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are
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 modern family
type
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types
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,
hence
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,
parents
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 might give
to
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apply
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their
children
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 more freedom and do not monitor how much
time
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 their
children
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 spend
in
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on
show examples
 social
media
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. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 the best way to solve
this
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 type of
problems
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problem
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 is to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not give access to
children
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 to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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in
Change preposition
at
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very
Correct article usage
a very
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 young age and add some restrictions for
children
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 like “
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parents
Replace the word
parental
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 control”.
Firstly
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, if
children
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 did not have
a
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apply
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accessibility to use social
media
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, they would have significantly more
time
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 to do schoolwork.
Instead
Linking Words
 of just procrastinating,
wasting
Correct word choice
and wasting
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time
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, they will concentrate exactly on studying and considerably improve their skills.
Secondly
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,
parents
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 can establish a “parent control” to confine their
children
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in
Change preposition
to
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use
Add an article
the use
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 of
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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.
For instance
Linking Words
,
parents
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 can set a limit of 2 hours
in
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on
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
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to
Change preposition
for
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 their kids, so they will be confident that their kids do not
wasting
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waste
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time
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 only
in
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on
show examples
 social
media
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.
To conclude
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, there really many causes of
falling
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the falling
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 of
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children’
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children’s
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 school grades, including
spread
Add an article
the spread
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 of social
media
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 and
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
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 amount of
treedom
Correct your spelling
freedom
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. Despite
this
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, the most effective solution is to set a
self control
Add a hyphen
self-control
show examples
 system for
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on

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task response
Your response addresses both problems and solutions, but a few of your ideas could be more clearly developed. Try to elaborate more on specific examples or case studies.
coherence and cohesion
There are occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect the readability of your essay. For instance, "A growing number of aviability" should be "growing availability," and "considerable amount of treedom" likely meant "amount of freedom." Proofreading your work or using tools like Grammarly can help catch these mistakes.
introduction conclusion
You effectively introduce and conclude your essay, which helps frame your argument clearly.
logical structure
The essay has a logical structure with both problems and solutions well-organized.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Addictive design
  • Infinite scrolling
  • Personalized content feeds
  • Peer pressure
  • Social validation
  • Fear of missing out (FOMO)
  • Parental supervision
  • Digital literacy programs
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Awareness campaigns
  • Conscious regulation
  • Academic impact
  • Engagement
  • Social media usage
  • Online presence
What to do next:
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