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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

What's the right age for parents to get their kids a cell phone? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#right #age #parents #kids #cell #phone
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In the younger generation, many children have access to phones at around 11 years old or even
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
, which is not good for their mental well-being. There are millions of reasons as to why social
media
 exposure to a very young
child
 is not good. Exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
media
 at a young age can be an influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
child
 and they lack the sense of knowledge to differentiate what is right and what is wrong.
Moreover
, they can be exposed to the much darker side of the
media
 which in turn causes depression and could
also
 lead to
suicidial
Correct your spelling
suicidal
 thoughts for they do not know how to handle
such
 situations.
This
 leads them to make decisions which affect their mental, physical and emotional well-being.
However
, when a
child
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has reached that level of maturity and knowledge of differentiating right from wrong, they
arent
Correct your spelling
aren't
show examples
 affected much by the exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
media
. In fact, they avoid
such
 reckless decisions which could impact their mental health. They
also
 don't interact much with strangers online, knowing the threats and dangers they pose. In conclusion, the right age for parents to give a phone to their
child
 is at least
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
16 years if not more than that. It all depends on how the
child
 processes information and how they deal with
such
 situations.
Submitted by preethiwilliams75 on

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task achievement
Provide specific examples to bolster your points. This will make your argument stronger and more relatable.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point to provide a complete response to the task. Explain each idea thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Although the ideas are coherent, they could be more fluidly connected.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively. Reiterate your main arguments with slight variations in wording.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have raised important issues regarding the potential negative impacts of cell phones on young children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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