IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ou should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words

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Hobbies
Use synonyms
 are typically more focused activities that a person pursues in their free
time
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 some people are spending more
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will argue the reason for
this
Linking Words
 case and how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society or an individual is affected by
this
Linking Words
. On the one hand, engaging more
time
Use synonyms
 in
hobbies
Use synonyms
 will improve his or her creativity by giving their full attention to the specific work, which
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 them to invent new things that will
be help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 society in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, in ancient times,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
statues were made from stones, as technology
improves
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 a man from China who
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 making sculptures as his hobby invented
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 3D printing machine
that is
Linking Words
 helping lots of people these days. At the same
time
Use synonyms
, contributing more
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
 will be the main reason for the development of a business that will boost the economy as well.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, participating in hobby activities will reduce the stress and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
anxiety for a working professional who is continuously working on the weekends. If they spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on their favourite hobby they will think positively which allow them to improve their health in many ways.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, there some places are being opened to spend some quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their family and friends which involves some fun activities that
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 an individual to be happy.
For example
Linking Words
, there are more board games shops
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
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 been opened in recent times where the public can enjoy some physical games with food and drinks. In Conclusion, I would argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are more positive benefits of spending more
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
 which allow a human to live a healthy life and improve their creativity and invention skills.
Hence
Linking Words
, devoting more
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
 did not affect society or an individual in a negative way.

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task achievement
Although your essay covered the main aspects of the task, you need to focus on why fewer people are spending time on hobbies nowadays, not the increasing time people are spending. Clarifying this point will help better address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single clear idea which directly supports your thesis. Some paragraphs have mixed ideas which can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Your writing tone is suitable for an IELTS essay. It's formal and appropriate for the task.
task achievement
You have included examples which support your arguments well. This makes your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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