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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table illustrates data about the average of finances per month spent by consumers on a number of types of goods and social services in 5 specific nations.

The table illustrates data about the average of finances per month spent by consumers on a number of types of goods and social services in 5 specific nations.
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The table illustrates data about the average
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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finances per month spent by consumers on a number of types of goods and social services in 5 specific nations.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the highest value in 3 types is entertainment and leisure in all 5
countries
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. The lowest consuming of money is fashion and clothing with the exception of Singapore
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, Customers always
take up
Verb problem
spend

There may be a verb use issue here.

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 their money on their hobbies and leisure activities. Singapore is a considerable country which accounts for 33,5%. Following that, the Germans consume 32,3% of their total finances.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the proportion of the UK in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 figure is 31,1%.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Hong Kong and France are two nations which occupy 24,6% and 22,4% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the Singaporeans and residents of Hong Kong digest clothing and fashion at 15,8% and 11,6% respectively.
Three
Correct article usage
The three

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 remaining
countries
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 occupy approximately 5% to 10%. The lowest consumer spending in Singapore is on transport at 4%, the lowest spending on any sector in any country. In the other four
countries
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, transport is the sector with the second highest consumer spending. Spending on transport in the 3 European
countries
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is similar at 23.4%, 21.3% and 19.6% in Germany, France and the UK respectively, considerably higher than in the two Asian
countries
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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