In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?

Most of the countries
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
are engaged with paid
work
. A group of people disagree
this
as absolutely wrong for
children
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
money for their
work
while
others think it creates valuable,
experience
and
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
children
more
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
show examples
. In my opinion,
this
is completely true for
children
and it creates them
work
habits in their lives, which I will elaborate more on in my essay.
Firstly
,
this
can have positive impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
their money`s value. Modern
children
would like to get everything without any action and they can think their parents should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
pay
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
of their wants without discussions.
For example
, 13-16 years old boys would like to join all of the activities in their school program
such
as swimming, gym, and running. It is really hard
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
mother and father
pay
Fix the infinitive
to pay
show examples
all
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
them. If sports did not pay my parents it
resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
show examples
some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
behaviour problems.
On the other hand
,
children
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
not
work
any paid
work
can cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employees in the future. Most of the company would like to get
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
who has
experience
in
work
life
. If they do not have
this
experience
it is turning to the trouble in their
life
.
For example
, in Azerbaijan even
you
Rephrase
when you
show examples
are 18 years old where you go they require
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
experience
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. All in all, most of the parents
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
children
would be great
life
opportnunite
Correct your spelling
opportunity
opportunities
.
Also
, we do not give them fish we have to teach them how they can fish in their
life
. Statistic
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
describes that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful in
Correct pronoun usage
their career
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
to
work
an
Change preposition
at an
show examples
early age.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, which is good. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures that make it difficult to understand your points clearly. It would benefit from more precise language and clearer explanations.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, but it can be improved. Each paragraph starts with a central idea, which is good, but sometimes the ideas are not fully developed or connected smoothly. Try to use more transition words and ensure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay nicely.
supported main points
Your main points are supported by examples, which helps to illustrate your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
What to do next:
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