IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In Some Areas Of The US, A Curfew Is Imposed In Which Teenagers Cannot Be Out Of Doors At Night. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#areas #curfew #teenagers #doors #night
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Teenagers
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cann'
Correct your spelling
can't
t
Use synonyms
 be out of
doors
Use synonyms
 at
night
Use synonyms
 has become an
intergal
Correct your spelling
integral
 part of the rising debate in the present world, including Vietnam.
While
Linking Words
 components of the argument are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, the opponents are completely against the relevance of the "
Teenagers
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cann'
Correct your spelling
can't
t
Use synonyms
 be out of
doors
Use synonyms
 at
night
Use synonyms
".
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss some of the biggest causes associated with "
Teenagers
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cann'
Correct your spelling
can't
t
Use synonyms
 be out of
doors
Use synonyms
 at
night
Use synonyms
", before suggesting possible solutions. To commence with, the main cause related to "
Teenagers
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cann'
Correct your spelling
can't
t
Use synonyms
 be out of
doors
Use synonyms
 at
night
Use synonyms
" is that it is really harmful
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that everywhere
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 robbers.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some areas of the US have wanted
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
, they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gun
Fix the agreement mistake
guns
show examples
 so
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
show examples
 very dangerous
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 hang out
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
night
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, another undeniable cause is
Correct word choice
if driver
show examples
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
 drive a car don'
t
Use synonyms
 be careful.
For example
Linking Words
, Some people went out at
night
Use synonyms
 and met robbers, they were robbed of their cars and properties
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 killed. In my opinion, the best approach to overcome "
Teenagers
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cann'
Correct your spelling
can't
t
Use synonyms
 be out of
doors
Use synonyms
 at
night
Use synonyms
" is they don'
t
Use synonyms
 should hang out at
night
Use synonyms
 and stay at home, watch
televison
Correct your spelling
television
 or relax by something else. It is often argued that in fact really harmful
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, they can lose their lives when they go out at
night
Use synonyms
 when they meet robbers.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the "
Teenagers
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cann'
Correct your spelling
can't
t
Use synonyms
 be out of
doors
Use synonyms
 at
night
Use synonyms
" has become a crucial part of our life. It has now been shown that the main causes related to "
Teenagers
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cann'
Correct your spelling
can't
t
Use synonyms
 be out of
doors
Use synonyms
 at
night
Use synonyms
" is
relly
Correct your spelling
really
show examples
 harmful
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them. but the best solution to
overcoe
Correct your spelling
overcome
that is
Linking Words
 they don'
t
Use synonyms
 should hang out at
night
Use synonyms
 and stay at home, relax by something else. It is expected that
this
Linking Words
 trend will continue to increase in the future
Submitted by 205huyle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing reasons why teenagers should not be out at night and suggesting that staying at home is a solution. However, your argument could be made more persuasive with additional specific details and balanced viewpoints. Consider discussing potential counterarguments briefly to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, it could be clearer. The transitions between ideas need to be smoother to improve the overall flow of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use linking words to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are unclear due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'Teenagers cann't be out of doors at night has become an intergal part of the rising debate in the present world' could be clearer if rephrased. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and spelling errors for a polished finish.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from more precise vocabulary. For example, 'moreover' and 'in addition' are good connectors, but consider using a wider variety of linking phrases and more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance your argument. Additionally, avoid redundancy, like repeating 'relax by something else.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as the presence of robbers and criminals, which support your main points.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, advocating for teenagers to stay indoors at night for safety reasons.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: