IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
Two graphs illustrate
closures
Correct article usage
the closures
show examples
 and openings of
shops
 in one country between 2011 and 2018. These graphs both experienced a decline in the
overall
 trend over the period of time.
To begin
, numerous sellers opened not only their
shops
 in early 2011 which was
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the peak, but
also
 closed about
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6500
shops
.
Firstly
, the graph for
opening
Add an article
the opening
show examples
 of
shops
 bounced back to opening 6100 from 4000 after it dropped from the peak.
However
, it diminished again by 2000 between 2014 and 2015, leading to
end up
Verb problem
apply
show examples
with opening lower number of
shops
 in 2018 as it continued to decrease slowly.
Secondly
, the graph for
closure
Correct article usage
the closure
show examples
 of
shops
 increased to 7000 in 2013 as soon as it dropped insignificantly in 2012.
Nevertheless
, it decreased enormously from 6300 to 500 in 2015, but it recovered up to 5100 in 2016.
Hence
, the trend didn't have a horrendous movement between 2016 and 2018.
Submitted by az7082687 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: