You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

Some
people
have started to think that the younger community must have
full-time
Correct article usage
a full-time
show examples
education
till the age of 18.
This
idea will become a failure thing for younger
people
in the future. First of all, I disagree with their thought about full-time study for young
people
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
will make the younger hate their
life
and
also
not only that. Their communication skill will be reduced, they will become
a bookworms
Correct the article-noun agreement
bookworms
a bookworm
show examples
until they get older, their confidence level will be low, they will never think on their own, and their mind will think about only studying till the end of their
life
. But,
education
is only a part of
life
not a full-timetime thing for the whole
life
. Knowledge is needed for every young
people
but, experience is
also
needed for
life
without experience nothing can be done in every situation. If studying is the main part of their
life
what will happen to their extra activities
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
So, both things are important in their
life
.
For example
,if
aperson
Correct your spelling
a person
is continuously studying a book he knows everything in the book but he doesn't know anything about what is happening in the outside world.
Secondly
, I agree with their thought because studying every day will help the younger
people
to score higher marks on every exam and
this
will make a competition between the students and everyone will get eager to score higher marks.
This
will help them to clear any type of entrance examination for their future and it helps them to move to College after completing school at the age of 18.
For example
,
education
can help to improve the knowledge of a person but
this
will not give them everything they want. In the end,
education
is an important thing in every younger person's
life
but not a full-time thing to do
this
will make everyone lazy at their work if they study continuously. So, they have to concentrate on everything
this
will help them to do anything in future.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
Your introduction is very brief and does not provide a clear thesis statement outlining your main arguments. To improve, you should explicitly state your position on the issue and briefly mention the points you will discuss.
task achievement
The essay's main points are valid but need further development and clearer examples. Provide more specific examples and elaborate on your arguments to make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
There is some attempt at structuring the essay, but ideas are not always logically connected. Use appropriate transition words to link your points and paragraphs more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focuses on a single idea. This will improve the coherence of your essay and make your arguments easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Conclude your essay with a summary of your main points and a restatement of your position. This helps to reinforce your arguments and leaves a strong final impression.
task achievement
You have a balance of arguments for and against the idea, which shows you can consider different perspectives.
task achievement
The essay covers several important aspects of the topic, indicating a good grasp of the subject.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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