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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts give information about the three various elements (carbohydrates, protein and fat) of three meal plans, namely an average diet, a healthy diet and a healthy diet for sport.

The pie charts give information about the three various elements (carbohydrates, protein and fat) of three meal plans, namely an average diet, a healthy diet and a healthy diet for sport.
#information #three #elements #carbohydrates #protein #plans #diet #sport
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The charts illustrate the information
of
Change preposition
on
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 the proportions of carbohydrates,
protein
Use synonyms
, and fat within three different
diet
Use synonyms
 plans (average, healthy, and healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 for sport).
Overall
Linking Words
, carbohydrate wins the biggest share over the three
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of meals,
while
Linking Words
 fat shares the smallest amount. In the average
diet
Use synonyms
,
carbo
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 and
protein
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 should share the same proportion at 40% of the whole meal,
whereas
Linking Words
 fat shares the tiniest part at 20%.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
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 in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 healthy
diet
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,
carbo
Use synonyms
’s proportion should be
more
Change the word
apply
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bigger at 50%. Followed by
protein
Use synonyms
 at 30% and fat at 20%. As for the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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diet
Use synonyms
 purpose,
carbo
Use synonyms
 shares more than half of the whole plate at 60%. As for
protein
Use synonyms
 and fat only take 25% and 15% of the plate, respectively. In conclusion, the pie charts give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about the balance proportions of three different
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
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 of meals.
Carbo
Use synonyms
become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 the
most
Change the adjective
apply
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highest
elements
Fix the agreement mistake
element
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 to consume,
while
Linking Words
 fat’s part is the lowest. The more comprehensive the
diet
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 purposes, the more amount of
carbo
Use synonyms
 should be consumed and the less amount of fat should be eaten.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 74%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words protein, diet, carbo with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 4 times.
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