The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The first pie chart illustrates the percentages of Australian household electricity usage, and the second pie graph demonstrates the
greenhouse
gas
emissions caused by
this
power.
Overall
, heating home and
water
consume the majority of
energy
use
in Australia
while
the majority of
greenhouse
gas
comes from other devices and
water
heating. Nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
energy
utilization is used by home heating.
Also
,
water
worming has a significant proportion of power
use
with nearly a third. Other devices make up a small minority of power consumption. Refrigeration, lighting and cooling
use
tiny factions of
energy
at 7%, 4% and 2% respectively. Heating produces only 15% of
greenhouse
gas
in contrast
with its
energy
use
proportion,
while
water
heating remains at nearly a third. Other appliances make up a significant proportion of Australian
greenhouse
gas
with approximately a quarter. Other categories make up exactly a quarter of
gas
emissions combined.
Submitted by sam  on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words greenhouse, gas, water, energy, use with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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