IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features.
#diagrams #show #life #cycle #species #fish #salmon #information #features
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
Linking Words
diagrams
Change the determiner
diagram
show examples
 details the whole process
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
salmon
Use synonyms
’s
life
Use synonyms
. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that the whole
life
Use synonyms
 cycle can be divided into 3 steps from little
salmon
Use synonyms
 called fry to adult one about 10 years approximately.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning with eggs, they are produced by the adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 in the upper river which has
slow
Add an article
a slow
the slow
show examples
 speed of water there. Those eggs attach
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 bottom of reeds with small stones nearby. In the subsequent stage , after about 5 or 6 months, they become
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
fry with 3 to 8
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
 length living in the lower river. Those fry spend about 4 years in
such
Linking Words
 a
fast flowing
Add a hyphen
fast-flowing
show examples
 area before coming to the smolt. Smolt is the second stage of their
life
Use synonyms
 in which they can grow up to more than 12 cm and prefer to live in the open sea and keep it for 5 years.
Finally
Linking Words
, they eventually become
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 which
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more than 70 cm
length
Change preposition
in length
show examples
 body. At
this
Linking Words
 stage,
salmon
Use synonyms
 may choose to produce eggs in the upper river and the
life
Use synonyms
 cycle
begin
Change the verb form
begins
show examples
 again.
Submitted by 2683213004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words life, salmon with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: