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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features.
#diagrams #show #life #cycle #species #fish #salmon #information #features
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This
diagrams
Change the determiner
diagram
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 details the whole process
about
Change preposition
of
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salmon
’s
life
. Looking from an
overall
 perspective, it is readily apparent that the whole
life
 cycle can be divided into 3 steps from little
salmon
 called fry to adult one about 10 years approximately.
At
Change preposition
In
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 the beginning with eggs, they are produced by the adult
salmon
 in the upper river which has
slow
Add an article
a slow
the slow
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 speed of water there. Those eggs attach
the
Change preposition
to the
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 bottom of reeds with small stones nearby. In the subsequent stage , after about 5 or 6 months, they become
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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fry with 3 to 8
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
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 length living in the lower river. Those fry spend about 4 years in
such
 a
fast flowing
Add a hyphen
fast-flowing
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 area before coming to the smolt. Smolt is the second stage of their
life
 in which they can grow up to more than 12 cm and prefer to live in the open sea and keep it for 5 years.
Finally
, they eventually become
to
Change preposition
apply
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adult
salmon
 which
has
Verb problem
are
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 more than 70 cm
length
Change preposition
in length
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 body. At
this
 stage,
salmon
 may choose to produce eggs in the upper river and the
life
 cycle
begin
Change the verb form
begins
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 again.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words life, salmon with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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