Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health process as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

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Myriad
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working
professionals
these days do not engage in physical exercise. The reason being hectic work schedule and lack of
awareness
about
fitness
. To solve
this
issue
awareness
about
health
and subsidized gym membership can be used as
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
for
this
obstacle.
This
essay will elucidate
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
and solution of
this
obstacle.
To begin
with,
Due to
hectic work
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
, numerous
professionals
are not able to engage in physical exercise. Most of the time they are occupied with deadlines to meet.
Moreover
, Young professional is driven by goals
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
to climb
corporate
Add an article
the corporate
show examples
ladder, overcommit to their employers and ignore
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
of
fitness
. Another factor is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of
awareness
about Maintaining
health
and
fitness
.
Professionals
do not pay attention to body signals like pain in joints,
poor
Correct word choice
and poor
show examples
mental
health
.
For example
. in India, Many young
professionals
are not keen on exercise and
fitness
.
However
, there are solution to it, if corporates arrange
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
on
fitness
and
health
for
professionals
. Many of them will start following it. they will pay attention to their
health
.
Furthermore
, Subsidized membership to
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
can motivate them to kickstart their
fitness
. In the US, many
professionals
are provided gym membership by their employers. By providing
this
option,
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
will get
motivate
Change the verb form
motivated
show examples
and focus on personal
health
,
fitness
Correct word choice
and fitness
show examples
. These steps resolve the issue of
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
not
engage
Wrong verb form
engaging
show examples
in physical activity. In conclusion.
although
hectic work
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
and lack of
awareness
are the main reasons for poor
health
among
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
.
This
issue can be solved by providing them
Subsidized
Change preposition
with Subsidized
show examples
health
programmes
Change the noun form
programme
show examples
memberships and creating
awareness
of
health
and
fitness
.
Submitted by yash334 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Additionally, make sure that each paragraph develops a single main idea clearly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more impactful. Aim to grab the reader's attention with a compelling introduction and ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay while reinforcing the main points.
coherence cohesion
Support main points more thoroughly with specific examples and details. This will help to clarify and reinforce the arguments made in the essay.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons why working professionals do not get enough exercise and provide more examples to make your points more convincing. Be sure to address both parts of the task equally.
task achievement
Ensure that ideas are clear and comprehensive. Avoid vague statements and strive to explain the points in depth. For instance, delve deeper into why subsidized gym memberships could significantly impact professionals' fitness habits.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points effectively. Specific statistics or case studies could add weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a specific focus, which is good for maintaining coherence.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task requirements, providing reasons and solutions for the lack of exercise among working professionals.
task achievement
The writer provides some specific solutions, such as fitness programs and subsidized gym memberships, which are practical and relevant.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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