Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health process as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
Myriad
of
working Change preposition
apply
professionals
these days do not engage in physical exercise. The reason being hectic work schedule and lack of awareness
about fitness
. To solve this
issue awareness
about health
and subsidized gym membership can be used as solution
for Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
this
obstacle. This
essay will elucidate problem
and solution of Correct article usage
the problem
this
obstacle.
To begin
with, Due to
hectic work schedule
, numerous Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
professionals
are not able to engage in physical exercise. Most of the time they are occupied with deadlines to meet. Moreover
, Young professional is driven by goals wants
to climb Correct subject-verb agreement
want
corporate
ladder, overcommit to their employers and ignore Add an article
the corporate
importance
of Add an article
the importance
fitness
. Another factor is lack
of Correct article usage
a lack
awareness
about Maintaining health
and fitness
. Professionals
do not pay attention to body signals like pain in joints, poor
mental Correct word choice
and poor
health
. For example
. in India, Many young professionals
are not keen on exercise and fitness
.
However
, there are solution to it, if corporates arrange program
on Fix the agreement mistake
programs
fitness
and health
for professionals
. Many of them will start following it. they will pay attention to their health
. Furthermore
, Subsidized membership to gym
can motivate them to kickstart their Correct article usage
a gym
fitness
. In the US, many professionals
are provided gym membership by their employers. By providing this
option, professional
will get Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
motivate
and focus on personal Change the verb form
motivated
health
, fitness
. These steps resolve the issue of Correct word choice
and fitness
professional
not Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
engage
in physical activity.
In conclusion. Wrong verb form
engaging
although
hectic work schedule
and lack of Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
awareness
are the main reasons for poor health
among professional
. Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
This
issue can be solved by providing them Subsidized
Change preposition
with Subsidized
health
programmes
memberships and creating Change the noun form
programme
awareness
of health
and fitness
.Submitted by yash334 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Additionally, make sure that each paragraph develops a single main idea clearly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more impactful. Aim to grab the reader's attention with a compelling introduction and ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay while reinforcing the main points.
coherence cohesion
Support main points more thoroughly with specific examples and details. This will help to clarify and reinforce the arguments made in the essay.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons why working professionals do not get enough exercise and provide more examples to make your points more convincing. Be sure to address both parts of the task equally.
task achievement
Ensure that ideas are clear and comprehensive. Avoid vague statements and strive to explain the points in depth. For instance, delve deeper into why subsidized gym memberships could significantly impact professionals' fitness habits.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points effectively. Specific statistics or case studies could add weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a specific focus, which is good for maintaining coherence.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task requirements, providing reasons and solutions for the lack of exercise among working professionals.
task achievement
The writer provides some specific solutions, such as fitness programs and subsidized gym memberships, which are practical and relevant.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example