Computer games are becoming very popular among children of all ages and nationalities. Parents say they are concerned because these games have little educational value and many harmful effects. Do you agree or disagree?
In the modern era, technological innovations
assume
Verb problem
have
great
impact on Correct article usage
a great
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
Change noun form
children's
lifestyle
. The electronic games demand have increased among students of all ages and communities. Guardians opine that video programming is useless in both educational and health Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
aspect
. Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
This
essay will analyse agreement with reasons in the subsequent paragraphs.
Certainly, an association of multifarious reasons behind effects
of games on the Correct article usage
the effects
amateurs
physiques. Change to a genitive case
amateur's
amateurs'
However
, first and foremost is serious ailments. To explain it
more, Correct pronoun usage
apply
learner
prefer online activities as Fix the agreement mistake
learners
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
cosumues
less physical and mental energy. Contemporary Correct your spelling
consume
children
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
sedentary
lifestyle that lacks physical activities succumbing Correct article usage
a sedentary
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
into
diseases Change preposition
to
such
as obesity and weak eyesight. Moreover
, they feel indolent and refrain themselves
from affirmation in studies. In the 2019 survey by Correct pronoun usage
apply
Correct article usage
the world
world health
Correct your spelling
World Health
organisation
around 60% Correct your spelling
Organization
USA
beginners spend omnipotent leisure time before screens, Change preposition
of USA
thus
obesity and depression took rapid
place in their health.
Correct article usage
a rapid
Subsequently
, another factor that worth
mentioning is Add a missing verb
is worth
Correct article usage
the impacts
impacts
on learning habits, Fix the agreement mistake
impact
while
the prominent is lack
of social skills and moral values. To elaborate on it, online entertainment does not provide any ethical, intellectual and moral values to Correct article usage
a lack
children
rather it makes them aggressive, sluggish and baffled towards the reality and learning of life. They lack confidence as well as
patience which become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
hurdle
in the competitive world. Add an article
a hurdle
the hurdle
For instance
, according to
2022
survey around 40% Correct article usage
a 2022
youngsters
believe that they become prosperous Change preposition
of youngsters
as a result
of participation in school extracurricular activities instead
of utilising time on technical gadgets.
In conclusion, parents should keep a check upon
their Change preposition
on
children
and encourage them to participate in tasks that make them robust. They should permit them to play online games merely as a source of entertainment to overcome study stress.Submitted by harshitabangar77777 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and complete response to the question, addressing the concerns of parents about both the educational value and harmful effects of computer games. However, ensure each paragraph focuses on only one main point to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on making your arguments flow more smoothly from one idea to the next. You can achieve this by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs.
general advice
Be careful with grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'cosumues' should be 'consumes' and 'amateurs physiques' should be 'amateur's physique'. Proofreading can help eliminate such issues.
introduction good
Your introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion and clearly states your stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as surveys, which strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
conclusion good
The conclusion nicely wraps up the essay, reiterating your main points and providing a final thought on the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?