Computer games are becoming very popular among children of all ages and nationalities. Parents say they are concerned because these games have little educational value and many harmful effects. Do you agree or disagree?

In the modern era, technological innovations
assume
Verb problem
have
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great
Correct article usage
a great
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impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Change noun form
children's
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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. The electronic games demand have increased among students of all ages and communities. Guardians opine that video programming is useless in both educational and health
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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.
This
essay will analyse agreement with reasons in the subsequent paragraphs. Certainly, an association of multifarious reasons behind
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
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of games on the
amateurs
Change to a genitive case
amateur's
amateurs'
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physiques.
However
, first and foremost is serious ailments. To explain
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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more,
learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
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prefer online activities as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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cosumues
Correct your spelling
consume
less physical and mental energy. Contemporary
children
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
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sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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lifestyle that lacks physical activities succumbing
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
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diseases
such
as obesity and weak eyesight.
Moreover
, they feel indolent and refrain
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from affirmation in studies. In the 2019 survey by
Correct article usage
the world
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world health
Correct your spelling
World Health
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organisation
Correct your spelling
Organization
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around 60%
USA
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of USA
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beginners spend omnipotent leisure time before screens,
thus
obesity and depression took
rapid
Correct article usage
a rapid
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place in their health.
Subsequently
, another factor that
worth
Add a missing verb
is worth
show examples
mentioning is
Correct article usage
the impacts
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
on learning habits,
while
the prominent is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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of social skills and moral values. To elaborate on it, online entertainment does not provide any ethical, intellectual and moral values to
children
rather it makes them aggressive, sluggish and baffled towards the reality and learning of life. They lack confidence
as well as
patience which
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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hurdle
Add an article
a hurdle
the hurdle
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in the competitive world.
For instance
,
according to
2022
Correct article usage
a 2022
show examples
survey around 40%
youngsters
Change preposition
of youngsters
show examples
believe that they become prosperous
as a result
of participation in school extracurricular activities
instead
of utilising time on technical gadgets. In conclusion, parents should keep a check
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
children
and encourage them to participate in tasks that make them robust. They should permit them to play online games merely as a source of entertainment to overcome study stress.
Submitted by harshitabangar77777 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and complete response to the question, addressing the concerns of parents about both the educational value and harmful effects of computer games. However, ensure each paragraph focuses on only one main point to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on making your arguments flow more smoothly from one idea to the next. You can achieve this by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs.
general advice
Be careful with grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'cosumues' should be 'consumes' and 'amateurs physiques' should be 'amateur's physique'. Proofreading can help eliminate such issues.
introduction good
Your introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion and clearly states your stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as surveys, which strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
conclusion good
The conclusion nicely wraps up the essay, reiterating your main points and providing a final thought on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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