Some people think that children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while others believe that adults should prevent them from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There are a number of
people
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
that
children
can be
freely
Replace the adverb
free
show examples
to make
mistakes
,
while
the rest think that
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
must prevent them from wrong
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
.
Children
who have freedom tend to
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
in education and
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
field,
however
, it
also
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
them
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
perfect and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
on
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
and technology. In my opinion,
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
children
from making
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
way to live. On the one side,
parents
who allow their
children
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
that lead them
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
show examples
happier than others.
It prove
Correct pronoun usage
Prove
show examples
by
compass research
Correct your spelling
Compass Research
show examples
, which is the biggest newspaper in Indonesia, said
at
Change preposition
that
show examples
around 80%
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
enjoy
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
chances
Correct the article-noun agreement
chance
show examples
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
something without thinking too much about future
mistakes
.
Additionally
, there are several
field
Change to a plural noun
fields
show examples
that have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact not only
education
Change preposition
on education
show examples
but
also
social
Replace the word
on society
show examples
.
People
can learn something new from their
mistakes
which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
them to avoid
make
Change the form of the verb
making
show examples
the same
mistakes
.
For example
, a boy who forgot
make
Verb problem
to do
show examples
a task
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
children
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a social punishment from
teacher
Add an article
a teacher
the teacher
show examples
that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
him being better person and
avoid
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
show examples
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
the same thing. The
children
will become wise
people
.
On the other hand
,
children
who
prevent
Wrong verb form
are prevented
show examples
doing
Verb problem
from making
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
their
parents
will have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact on health and technology. These
are brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
for themselves.
For instance
, a girl who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
private rules from her
parents
to avoid several
food
Change to a plural noun
foods
show examples
which are dangerous for their health. It makes the girl stay healthy and happy every single day. It means when her
parents
prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
such
as
eat
Change the form of the verb
eating
show examples
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
kind of food
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
will
make
Verb problem
be
show examples
positive for her. It is one
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
show examples
way to save their
children
.
Moreover
,
children
become aware
to do
Change preposition
of doing
show examples
activities when they do not have
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
for
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
.
For example
, in
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
field
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
will be dangerous if they
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
a
mistake
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
task. In my perspective, it is a good way when
parents
do not give a chance for
children
to
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
since they will be aware to do all of
activities
Add an article
the activities
show examples
in their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. In conclusion,
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
children
to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
will bring positive development
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
education and
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
which make them become wise
people
.
However
, the other side
also
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
such
as
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
them aware to do something.
Submitted by firmansyahafandy99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph naturally transitions to the next. See if the connection between ideas are clear.
coherence cohesion
The introduction does not clearly state the essay's focus. Try to frame the thesis statement more effectively to set the stage for the essay.
task achievement
Develop your main points more comprehensively. Provide detailed examples or evidence to support each claim.
task achievement
Make sure each example directly supports the point being made. Some examples are not as clearly connected to the argument as they could be.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which show that the writer understands the importance of framing an argument.
supported main points
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an attempt to provide a balanced discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!