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Band 5.5

In some countries, people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

#countries #people #hours #work #happen #development
It is true that in some countries,
people
 tend to spend long
hours
 at
work
. There could be several reasons why
this
 is the case, and I believe that
this
 development is both positive and negative. There are various reasons why many
people
 spend long
hours
 at
work
.
Firstly
, today the global economy is very dynamic and competitive, leading to many countries and companies having to step in the run and put pressure on their systems to increase productivity, resulting in more and more
people
 having to spend long
hours
 at
work
. Another reason is that because of the improvements in productivity, help
people
also
 improve their income and open more opportunities for their careers. Especially in
this
 competitive economic period, and it has certainly motivated
people
 to spend more and more time at
work
. In my view,
this
 development is both positive and negative. The positive is when a country has
such
 a productive workforce, it will create a healthy competitive working environment, helping the economy develop faster. The negative is spending too much time at
work
 is leading to more and more
people
 being affected physically and mentally. In conclusion, in some countries,
people
 tend to spend long
hours
 at
work
 and there are several reasons why
this
 is the case, and I believe that
this
 development is both positive and negative
Submitted by luantrat on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, identifying both reasons for long working hours and assessing the positive and negative aspects. However, try to provide more detailed explanations and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, you could enhance cohesion by using more linking words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas.
supported main points
Your main points are presented clearly but would benefit from further elaboration. Providing more detail and specific examples for each point would make your argument more convincing.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.
balanced approach
You address both sides of the question, discussing the reasons for long working hours and their positive and negative impacts, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
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