Some people tend to take temporary jobs (they only work for few months of year), for they have time to do other things. Do the advantages and the disadvantages?

A handful of
people
are more conscious about doing part-
time
jobs
as they give spare
time
to other activities.
In contrast
, there are some negative downsides to
this
argument. I agree with the view and will examine the positive aspects and drawbacks and provide my
overall
opinion.
Firstly
, in the modern era, some
people
want to devote
time
to their personal lives with family and friends. One of the most vital things is a career, where the majority of the
time
is usually spent on
people
.
For example
, online is the biggest platform, nowadays, where lots of tutorials are available for everyone who is intrigued to learn and giving
time
to courses in their spare
time
.
Therefore
,
besides
part-
time
jobs
Add a comma
jobs,
show examples
they could do other activities for their improvement of life and fulfillment. There are some downsides to
this
statement, part-
time
jobs
do not give a prodigious amount of knowledge and
also
face problems with the salary. The financial part is a crucial case in human life that’s why some
people
focus on a high wage as popular companies provide for the
jobs
positions.
However
, many
people
want to gather a huge knowledge because they are keen to learn from a knowledgeable person.
For instance
, full-
time
jobs
teach vast information and give higher salaries but part-
time
jobs
do not.
Thus
, if
people
want to be skilful
then
they have to work full-
time
than part-
time
. In conclusion, from my perspective, I firmly agree with the statement that some
people
think of doing part-
time
jobs
instead
of full-
time
as they are able to give other
time
on their personal life.
Submitted by belmontsy01 on

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task response
While you have provided a balanced view on part-time versus full-time jobs, try to include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This would help to clarify your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully before moving on to the next point. Currently, the essay tends to lose focus at times.
introduction conclusion present
You have effectively introduced the topic and presented your opinion clearly in the introduction. This sets a solid foundation for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively reiterates your opinion and summarizes the key points discussed in the essay, which provides a coherent end to your argument.
task response
The essay does address both the advantages and disadvantages of taking temporary jobs, which shows a complete response to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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