Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
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It is obvious that the progress in transportation has
brough
a huge convenience to our Correct your spelling
brought
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
as well as
severe pollution
. It is often argued that the authority
should take responsibility Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
of
Change preposition
for
this
problem whilst others disagree and think that is
all by
human Change preposition
apply
behavior
which Change the spelling
behaviour
lead
to Change the verb form
leads
the
Correct article usage
apply
pollution
. Although
individuals’ awareness and action is the vital power to facilitate environment. I believe that government
has more resources to handle Correct article usage
the government
this
environmental crisis.
Even though everyone have
the obligation to reduce Change the verb form
has
pollution
, personal choices are often limited by urban planning and infrastructure. I supposed
people who believe in Wrong verb form
suppose
this
perspective is
because they believe everyone should start by themselves, Unnecessary verb
apply
such
as riding a bicycle, choose to buy electric
car which is more environmentally friendly. Add an article
an electric
the electric
For instance
, one of my colleague
Fix the agreement mistake
colleagues
he
commutes to work by bicycle every day. He is truly a Correct pronoun usage
apply
green minded
person.
Add a hyphen
green-minded
On the other hand
, government
should tackle Add an article
the government
with
Change preposition
apply
this
issue, because they have more resources and power to effectively formulate and implement environmental protection policy. For example
, they can promote construction
of public transportation to decrease the usage of private Add an article
the construction
car
, so as to reduce carbon emissions. Fix the agreement mistake
cars
This
is impossible for individuals to achieve,
because these measures need a large scale of supporting and negotiations.
Remove the comma
apply
To conclude
, while
everyone are
responsible for environmental Change the verb form
is
pollution
and should do their part in protecting the environment, it is the government who could effectively improve the situation. Hence
, the authority
should take Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
this
problem seriously and formulating
a proper policy.Wrong verb form
formulate
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to create a strong structure. To improve, try to make your thesis statement more explicit. You mentioned that you believe the government has more resources to handle the environmental crisis, but you could state this opinion more clearly in the introduction.
supported main points
While your main points are generally clear and well-supported, you could strengthen your argument by providing more specific and varied examples. For example, detail how public transportation can reduce pollution or mention specific policies governments have implemented successfully in other countries.
logical structure
Your essay maintains a logical structure overall, but there could be smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases such as ‘Moreover,’ ‘In addition,’ or ‘However’ to clearly signal the relationship between your ideas.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are some grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings that could be improved. For instance, in the first paragraph, ‘brough’ should be ‘brought,’ and ‘is all by human behavior which lead to the pollution’ should be ‘is all caused by human behavior which leads to pollution.’ These small changes will make your writing clearer.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and context, and your conclusion nicely encapsulates your overall argument.
relevant specific examples
You offer relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the example of your colleague who commutes by bicycle.
complete response
Your essay addresses both perspectives of the argument, showing a balanced view and comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.