Modern buildings appear in large numbers, but some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#buildings #numbers #people #styles

Nowadays,

architecture

Replace the word

architectural

show examples

models develop at

staggering

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a staggering

show examples

speed,

such

as from classic,

european

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European

show examples

american

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American

show examples

style

Fix the agreement mistake

styles

show examples

. Houses were embedded

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with

show examples

multiple-cuttingedge

Correct your spelling

multiple-cutting-edge

multiple-cutting edge

features

to aid human daily activities,

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

usuall

Correct your spelling

usually

called

smart

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a smart

show examples

home

Fix the agreement mistake

homes

show examples

However

, some argue that the world ought to establish their living place based on their culture to embrace uniqueness.

While

this

statement has a compelling merit, I will elaborate

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on my

show examples

viewpoints and draw a logical solution below. Technological advancement

undeniable

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undeniably

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accounted

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for

show examples

various

aspect

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aspects

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, including

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

, transportation, and residential

area

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areas

show examples

. Modern infrastructures are built with

features

assistance to mitigate some

issue

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issues

show examples

such

reduce

Wrong verb form

reducing

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electricity usage,

green house

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greenhouse

show examples

, and

also

smart

features

Due to

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

advantageous

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advantages

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vast

Correct article usage

the vast

show examples

majority of people decide to

established

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establish

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their homes with the common style. Because of

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

reasons, diversity

lose

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loss

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is a major concern from the critics.

Subsequently

, every region has eliminated their unique

heritages

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heritage

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which are

Remove the article

apply

show examples

interesting

tourism sited

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tourist sites

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. Considering

this

fachinating

Correct your spelling

fascinating

statement, I thought that we have to combine either architectural type without eliminating

eachother

Correct your spelling

each other

Designer

Fix the agreement mistake

Designers

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should invent

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

modern homes without

change

Wrong verb form

changing

show examples

whole

Correct article usage

the whole

show examples

building. To exemplify, we could modify rumah gadang,

Change the article

show examples

original house from one culture in Indonesia, utilizing modern material

instead

of wood or immersing smart

features

Subsequently

, inhabitants will live in

modern

Change the article

a modern

show examples

way and embrace their own culture

simultaneusly

Correct your spelling

simultaneously

. In the long run,

this

style will be

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apply

show examples

a tourism-based opportunity for local people.

To sum up

embrace

Wrong verb form

embracing

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modernization without

eliminate

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eliminating

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our cultural wealth by

incorpration

Correct your spelling

incorporation

is the key conclusion.

Submitted by epindonta02 on Thu Aug 01 2024

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Task Achievement

Your introduction is clear, but there are several grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing that interfere with understanding. Try to use more concise and accurate language.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the logical flow can be improved. Ensure each idea transitions smoothly to the next.

Task Achievement

Your points are relevant but need more specific examples and detailed explanations to fully support your arguments.

Task Achievement

Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.

Task Achievement

The idea of blending modern features with traditional architecture is interesting and innovative.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

243 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural preservation
regional styles
aesthetic value
intricate craftsmanship
stood the test of time
incorporate new technologies
sustainable materials
environmentally friendly
space utilization
functional design
open floor plans
access to natural light
versatile spaces
blending traditional and modern styles
cultural heritage
contemporary advancements

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Modern buildings appear in large numbers, but some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that it is good to hare as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

space exploration is too expensive and money should be spent on more important things. to what extend do you agree or disagree

In some places, old age is valued, while in other culture, youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?