Modern buildings appear in large numbers, but some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
architecture
models develop at Replace the word
architectural
staggering
speed, Add an article
a staggering
such
as from classic, european
or Change the capitalization
European
american
Change the capitalization
American
style
. Houses were embedded Fix the agreement mistake
styles
by
Change preposition
with
multiple-cuttingedge
Correct your spelling
multiple-cutting-edge
multiple-cutting edge
features
to aid human daily activities, or
Correct word choice
apply
usuall
called Correct your spelling
usually
smart
Add an article
a smart
home
. Fix the agreement mistake
homes
However
, some argue that the world ought to establish their living place based on their culture to embrace uniqueness. While
this
statement has a compelling merit, I will elaborate my
viewpoints and draw a logical solution below.
Technological advancement Change preposition
on my
undeniable
accounted Change the word
undeniably
to
various Change preposition
for
aspect
, including Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
internet
, transportation, and residential Correct article usage
the internet
area
. Modern infrastructures are built with Fix the agreement mistake
areas
features
assistance to mitigate some issue
, Fix the agreement mistake
issues
such
as reduce
electricity usage, Wrong verb form
reducing
green house
, and Correct your spelling
greenhouse
also
smart features
. Due to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
advantageous
, Replace the word
advantages
vast
majority of people decide to Correct article usage
the vast
established
their homes with the common style. Because of Change the verb
establish
this
reasons, diversity Correct determiner usage
these
lose
is a major concern from the critics. Replace the word
loss
Subsequently
, every region has eliminated their unique heritages
which are Fix the agreement mistake
heritage
an
interesting Remove the article
apply
tourism sited
.
Considering Replace the word
tourist sites
this
fachinating
statement, I thought that we have to combine either architectural type without eliminating Correct your spelling
fascinating
eachother
. Correct your spelling
each other
Designer
should invent Fix the agreement mistake
Designers
a
modern homes without Correct article usage
apply
change
Wrong verb form
changing
whole
building. To exemplify, we could modify rumah gadang, Correct article usage
the whole
a
original house from one culture in Indonesia, utilizing modern material Change the article
an
instead
of wood or immersing smart features
. Subsequently
, inhabitants will live in modern
way and embrace their own culture Change the article
a modern
simultaneusly
. In the long run, Correct your spelling
simultaneously
this
style will be as
a tourism-based opportunity for local people.
Change preposition
apply
To sum up
, embrace
modernization without Wrong verb form
embracing
eliminate
our cultural wealth by Change the verb form
eliminating
incorpration
is the key conclusion.Correct your spelling
incorporation
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Task Achievement
Your introduction is clear, but there are several grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing that interfere with understanding. Try to use more concise and accurate language.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the logical flow can be improved. Ensure each idea transitions smoothly to the next.
Task Achievement
Your points are relevant but need more specific examples and detailed explanations to fully support your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
Task Achievement
The idea of blending modern features with traditional architecture is interesting and innovative.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example