Modern buildings appear in large numbers, but some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
architecture
Replace the word
architectural
show examples
models develop at
staggering
Add an article
a staggering
show examples
speed,
such
as from classic,
european
Change the capitalization
European
show examples
or
american
Change the capitalization
American
show examples
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
. Houses were embedded
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
multiple-cuttingedge
Correct your spelling
multiple-cutting-edge
multiple-cutting edge
features
to aid human daily activities,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
usuall
Correct your spelling
usually
called
smart
Add an article
a smart
show examples
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
However
, some argue that the world ought to establish their living place based on their culture to embrace uniqueness.
While
this
statement has a compelling merit, I will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
viewpoints and draw a logical solution below. Technological advancement
undeniable
Change the word
undeniably
show examples
accounted
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
various
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
, including
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, transportation, and residential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. Modern infrastructures are built with
features
assistance to mitigate some
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
,
such
as
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
electricity usage,
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
, and
also
smart
features
.
Due to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
show examples
,
vast
Correct article usage
the vast
show examples
majority of people decide to
established
Change the verb
establish
show examples
their homes with the common style. Because of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
reasons, diversity
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
is a major concern from the critics.
Subsequently
, every region has eliminated their unique
heritages
Fix the agreement mistake
heritage
show examples
which are
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
interesting
tourism sited
Replace the word
tourist sites
show examples
. Considering
this
fachinating
Correct your spelling
fascinating
statement, I thought that we have to combine either architectural type without eliminating
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
.
Designer
Fix the agreement mistake
Designers
show examples
should invent
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern homes without
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
building. To exemplify, we could modify rumah gadang,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
original house from one culture in Indonesia, utilizing modern material
instead
of wood or immersing smart
features
.
Subsequently
, inhabitants will live in
modern
Change the article
a modern
show examples
way and embrace their own culture
simultaneusly
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
. In the long run,
this
style will be
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a tourism-based opportunity for local people.
To sum up
,
embrace
Wrong verb form
embracing
show examples
modernization without
eliminate
Change the verb form
eliminating
show examples
our cultural wealth by
incorpration
Correct your spelling
incorporation
is the key conclusion.
Submitted by epindonta02 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction is clear, but there are several grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing that interfere with understanding. Try to use more concise and accurate language.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the logical flow can be improved. Ensure each idea transitions smoothly to the next.
Task Achievement
Your points are relevant but need more specific examples and detailed explanations to fully support your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
Task Achievement
The idea of blending modern features with traditional architecture is interesting and innovative.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural preservation
  • regional styles
  • aesthetic value
  • intricate craftsmanship
  • stood the test of time
  • incorporate new technologies
  • sustainable materials
  • environmentally friendly
  • space utilization
  • functional design
  • open floor plans
  • access to natural light
  • versatile spaces
  • blending traditional and modern styles
  • cultural heritage
  • contemporary advancements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: