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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world's population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. •What is the reason for the growth of the number of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

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Obesity
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 is an increasingly widespread epidemic impacting a growing number of people worldwide. The number of individuals at risk of severe
health
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 issues
due to
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 being overweight is rising.
This
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 essay will discuss
about
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apply
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the causes of
this
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 phenomenon and give some solutions to tackle
this
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 issue. The rise in
obesity
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 rates worldwide is a pressing concern , attributable to various factors. One primary reason is the increased consumption of processed and fast foods, which are often high in sugars, unhealthy fats, and calories. These foods are not only more accessible and affordable but
also
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 heavily marketed, leading to poor dietary choices.
Additionally
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, sedentary lifestyles have become more prevalent
due to
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 technological advancements. People spend more time engaging in activities that require minimal physical effort,
such
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 as using computers or watching television, rather than walking outside or doing
excercies
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exercises
exercise
. To address
this
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 issue, a multifaceted approach is necessary.
Firstly
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, public
health
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 campaigns should be intensified to raise awareness about the importance of a balanced diet and regular physical activity. Educational programs in schools can teach children healthy habits from a young age.
Secondly
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, governments can implement policies to make healthier food options more affordable and accessible,
such
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 as subsidizing fruits and vegetables and imposing taxes on sugary drinks and junk food. Urban planning can
also
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 play a role by creating more green spaces to encourage physical activities. In conclusion , the
obesity
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 pandemic comes from unhealthy diets and sedentary lifestyles. To address
this
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, public
health
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 education, policies promoting affordable healthy foods, and urban planning for physical activity are essential. These measures can help reduce
obesity
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 rates and improve public
health
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas flow logically throughout the essay. While the essay is generally well-structured, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support the main points. This helps strengthen the argument and makes it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effective, providing a good overview of the essay's structure and summarizing the main points well.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both the causes and solutions for obesity.
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