IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to the Ashdown museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The chart shows the results of a survey asking visitors how satisfied they are with their visit during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to the Ashdown museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The chart shows the results of a survey asking visitors how satisfied they are with their visit during the same two periods.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #results #survey #visit #two #periods
The pie charts illustrate the results of visitor
satisfactory
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
 surveys within two periods, before the
museum
 went through
refurbishment
 and after the
refurbishment
.
Overall
, the customer satisfaction has increased
due to
 the new
museum
 environment.
Last
 year before the renovation, the
satisfactory
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
 level was quite low. There were 40 and 10 people
felt
Correct pronoun usage
who felt
show examples
 displeased and very dissatisfied with the
museum
 services, respectively.
Thus
, only 15 visitors were very satisfied and 30 who felt content, clearly lost against the
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 evaluation.
However
this
 year,
fortunately
Add the comma(s)
fortunately,
show examples
 the
refurbishment
 of the
museum
 encourages
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better services and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 environment for the customers. The results
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that the satisfaction quantity
rise
Replace the word
rose
show examples
 to approximately 60% from
last
 year, with 40 visitors
feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
show examples
 the
museum
 services fulfilling and 35 others
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 the
museum
 enjoyable.
On the contrary
, the dissatisfaction level
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 to only 20 customers.
To sum up
, the comparison between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 charts shows that the
satisfactory
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
 level increased after the
museum
refurbishment
.
Hence
, the
museum
 renovation has a great effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
visitors
Change to a genitive case
visitor's
visitors'
show examples
 satisfaction.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, refurbishment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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