IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The female status has altered significantly in numerous communities over the
last
Linking Words
 five decades.
However
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, the public cannot declare the fact that
women
Use synonyms
 have achieved equal rights. I strongly believe that
gender
Use synonyms
 equality has not reached the required level, neither in family settings nor in corporate culture. In
this
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 essay, I shall outline my position supporting
this
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 perspective.
To begin
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 with, traditional
gender
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 roles continue to shape expectations within the household. In many societies, particularly in Eastern Europe, men are still widely regarded as primary breadwinners,
whereas
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women
Use synonyms
 are expected to take on the majority of domestic responsibilities.
For instance
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, even when both partners are employed full-time,
women
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 often remain responsible for childcare, cooking, and household maintenance.
This
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 results in what is commonly referred to as a “double burden,” where
women
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 must balance professional duties with unpaid domestic labour.
Consequently
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,
this
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 imbalance restricts their ability to invest time and energy into career development, limiting their long-term prospects.
Furthermore
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,
gender
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 disparities are clearly evident in the workplace.
Women
Use synonyms
 are significantly underrepresented in leadership positions, with senior roles in business and politics still dominated by men.
For example
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, in many countries, the proportion of female CEOs in large corporations remains disproportionately low compared to their male counterparts. Despite having equal legal rights to work,
women
Use synonyms
 frequently encounter barriers to career advancement, including biased promotion practices and limited access to high-level networks.
As a result
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,
this
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 contributes to a persistent
gender
Use synonyms
 pay gap and inequality in professional responsibilities.
This
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 phenomenon is widely known as the “glass ceiling,” which prevents
women
Use synonyms
 from reaching top-tier positions despite having the necessary qualifications.
Overall
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, I hold the belief that
gender
Use synonyms
 equality still has the potential to be fulfilled
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 continued efforts are required to address both private life and the professional field.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question more fully. You say you strongly agree, but you can add one short idea about what has improved for women in the last 50 years before you explain why full equality is still not real.
task response
Make your main idea more exact. Instead of 'the public cannot declare the fact', use a clear line like 'these societies cannot yet say that men and women are fully equal'.
task response
Give one more clear and real example. For example, you can add a short case about pay, time at home, or leaders in one country.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. To make it even better, link the end of each body paragraph back to your main answer more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, like 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', and 'Overall'. You can also use simple links like 'This means', 'Because of this', and 'In contrast' to make the flow more natural.
coherence and cohesion
The last line is a bit unclear. Instead of 'has the potential to be fulfilled', write a simple and direct ending such as 'gender equality has not been reached yet, so more action is still needed'.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and you keep the same view through the essay.
task response
Your main points are relevant to the question: home life and work life both fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear main idea and enough support.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because the order of ideas is logical.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
What to do next:
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