IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the expenditure of two countries in consumer goods in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the expenditure of two countries in consumer goods in 2010.
#bar #expenditure #two #countries #consumer #goods
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates five different consumer goods and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 expenditures in two countries. Consumer goods are cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras and the countries are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 and the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the expenditures
made
Add a missing verb
are made
show examples
 by the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 still spent more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 two
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of items, computers and perfume.
According to
Linking Words
 the
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
, the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 spent more than 450,000 pounds
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 cars, which is the peak number in
this
Linking Words
chart
Use synonyms
. Unlike the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
, there is no particular item the
France
Use synonyms
 spent more than 400,000 pounds.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not only
peak
Fix the agreement mistake
peaks
show examples
 in the
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 the lowest amount of money spent by the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 perfume.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 side of the
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 has more
flactucated
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France
Use synonyms
. The biggest price gap between the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 is in Cameras,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 spent 150,000 pounds, the
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 spent over 350,000.
Submitted by enver07600 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, chart, france, uk with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: