IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

#person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
It is controversial to say that a person's worth has to be judged by their social status and material possessions and not by their inner
values
,
such
 as honour,
kidness
Correct your spelling
kindness
 and trust.
Following
this
,
people
 who believe old-fashioned
values
 are no longer important
also
 claim that outer appearance is what needs to be paid attention to. On the one hand, proponents of
this
 view believe that other
people
's opinions are who you actually are, and the only important thing is to be who you want to be in other
people
's minds.
This
 is why social status and material possessions are necessary, and even faking it is an opportunity, it is better to be fake than weird. Not only is it no longer worth having
values
 unrecognised from the outside, like personality, but it is
also
 valueless if financial or social positions are unobservable.
On the other hand
, I stand with those who consider old-fashioned
values
 an important judgement subject. It is substantial to have rights. Whether or not
people
 prejudge, it isn't necessary to be worthy in their eyes, honour, kindness and trust are still very precious.
Moreover
, it is very enjoyable to increase the worth of personality in an environment
while
 being prejudged about appearance and social position by strangers. In conclusion,
while
 many
people
 hold the belief that nowadays judging
people
 by their personalities is old-fashioned and useless, I side with those who think that having a great personality is way more important than being acceptable to society.
Submitted by enver07600 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay does cover the main points of the prompt, you can enhance your task achievement by providing more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could cite real-life situations or historical examples where social status and material possessions overshadow moral values.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured and flows well. However, paying attention to a few grammatical inaccuracies and varying your sentence structures can improve coherence and cohesion. Using transition words and phrases more consistently can also help improve the flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
You present a clear argument in both body paragraphs and provide a balanced discussion of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a strong start and a coherent wrap-up to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
What to do next:
Look at other essays: