IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The image illustrates 4 different types of tourist attractions in the UK from 1981 to 1999.

#image #tourist #attractions #uk
The image illustrates 4 different types of tourist attractions in the UK from 1981 to 1999.
Overall
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of types of
travelers'
Change noun form
travelers
show examples
 attractions
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 after 18
years
 and
also
 the average of tourism rises approximately
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 before. In 1981, the Museums and Galleries had the highest attraction to tourist visits here about 48%
while
 it decreased 10% in 1999, just about 38%. With 32% of people interested in Theme Parks in 1981
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is growing slightly
about
Change preposition
to about
show examples
 37% after 18
years
.
Moreover
, the Wildlife Parks and Zoos had the lowest interaction of people when visiting the UK in 1981, about 4% but it has slightly risen to attract visitors in 1999, about 9%.
Furthermore
, the Historic Houses and Monuments have still interested people with 16% in both two
years
.
Besides
, tourism in the UK has
also
 increased
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
show examples
 a half after 18
years
, with 29.1 million visitors in 1981 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 to 41.5 million
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 in 1999.
Submitted by document.hanie on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that data and trends mentioned are clearly and accurately presented. For instance, rechecking the figures and being specific about trends over time can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas to offer a more thorough analysis. Discuss possible reasons for the trends observed, and provide additional context to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make use of transition words and phrases to seamlessly guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider grouping related information together to strengthen the organization of your essay. For example, comparing the museums and galleries directly with theme parks can provide a clearer contrast.
task achievement
You have provided an overall summary at the beginning which sets a good context for the reader.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific data points like percentages and figures strengthens your response by providing clear references to the image.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with separate paragraphs, making it easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
There is a balanced discussion of each type of tourist attraction mentioned, which ensures comprehensive coverage of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: