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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

there are some people who argue that a person’s value will be judged based on social status and material possessions, while others think that it is better if we consider a person according to values such as honor, kindness and trust

#people #person’s #value #status #possessions #person #values #honor #kindness #trust
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In
this
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 day and age, there are some
people
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 who argue that a
person
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’s value will be judged based on social
status
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 and material possessions,
while
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 others think that it is better if we consider a
person
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according to
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 values
such
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 as
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, kindness and trust. To clarify
this
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 issue, I will present my opinion about both the above views in the next paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, we will discuss the view that a
person
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’s value will be judged based on social
status
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 and material possessions. There are some reasons which cause
people
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 to judge another
person
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 through social
status
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. First of all, some
people
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 with
this
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 mindset may think that a
person
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 who has a good and balanced occupation will
also
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 have a good and high education because when we meet an individual that we have never met before, humans will tend to judge them
according to
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 social
status
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.
For example
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, parents often judge
high
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apply
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people
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 who have occupations like
teacher
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teachers
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 or
doctor
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doctors
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, others believe that values
such
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 as
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, kindness and trust are important.
Firstly
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, I believe that an individual is considered a good
person
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 when they are taught and have wonderful dignity because there are some
people
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 who have a good job but are not a fine
person
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, they are still able to do some bad activities
such
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 as cheating or stealing.
In addition
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,
people
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 who have a lot of high-quality dignity will make sure to be respected more by other
people
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 and companies in society.
Therefore
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, old-fashioned will be more vital in each individual. In conclusion, in my point of view, I believe that
people
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 who have old-fashioned values
such
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 as
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, kindness and trust will be considered higher than
people
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 with a good social
status
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 and material possessions because it is the nature of a
person
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.
Submitted by document.hanie on

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task response
To improve task response, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses the topic and ties back to the main thesis. Adding more specific examples could help in strengthening your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases and connectors to make the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate a stronger conclusion that not only restates your opinion but also reinforces the arguments made throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the writer's standpoint.
task response
The arguments are relevant to the topic and well-structured, making it easier for the reader to follow the writer's line of reasoning.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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