there are some people who argue that a person’s value will be judged based on social status and material possessions, while others think that it is better if we consider a person according to values such as honor, kindness and trust

In
this
day and age, there are some
people
who argue that a
person
’s value will be judged based on social
status
and material possessions,
while
others think that it is better if we consider a
person
according to
values
such
as
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, kindness and trust. To clarify
this
issue, I will present my opinion about both the above views in the next paragraphs.
To begin
with, we will discuss the view that a
person
’s value will be judged based on social
status
and material possessions. There are some reasons which cause
people
to judge another
person
through social
status
. First of all, some
people
with
this
mindset may think that a
person
who has a good and balanced occupation will
also
have a good and high education because when we meet an individual that we have never met before, humans will tend to judge them
according to
social
status
.
For example
, parents often judge
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
who have occupations like
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
or
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
.
On the other hand
, others believe that values
such
as
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, kindness and trust are important.
Firstly
, I believe that an individual is considered a good
person
when they are taught and have wonderful dignity because there are some
people
who have a good job but are not a fine
person
, they are still able to do some bad activities
such
as cheating or stealing.
In addition
,
people
who have a lot of high-quality dignity will make sure to be respected more by other
people
and companies in society.
Therefore
, old-fashioned will be more vital in each individual. In conclusion, in my point of view, I believe that
people
who have old-fashioned values
such
as
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, kindness and trust will be considered higher than
people
with a good social
status
and material possessions because it is the nature of a
person
.
Submitted by document.hanie on

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task response
To improve task response, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses the topic and ties back to the main thesis. Adding more specific examples could help in strengthening your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases and connectors to make the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate a stronger conclusion that not only restates your opinion but also reinforces the arguments made throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the writer's standpoint.
task response
The arguments are relevant to the topic and well-structured, making it easier for the reader to follow the writer's line of reasoning.

Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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