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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee.
#life #cycle #honey #bee
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This
Linking Words
 diagram analyzes in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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 the life of
bees
Use synonyms
 from
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 first
step
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 as an egg to
reach its
Verb problem
their
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 final
step
Use synonyms
to be
Verb problem
apply
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in the form of a mature bee.
This
Linking Words
 process takes about 34 to 36
days
Use synonyms
 to be completed in six stages.
First
Add an article
The first
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step
Use synonyms
 the egg starts to hatch after nine to ten
days
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.
secondly
Linking Words
, after another five
Use synonyms
days
Add a comma
days,
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 the baby bee starts to get out of that small egg. From the seventh day to the
nineth
Correct your spelling
ninth
 day, it triples its size to be much bigger. In
this
Linking Words
step
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, it reaches the stage of being
young
Add an article
a young
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 adult. After four
days
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, it turns
to
Change preposition
out to
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 be in the mature stage and now female
bees
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 are fertile
which
Correct word choice
and
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 are ready to put their eggs very soon. After female
bees
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 are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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fertilized they lay one to two eggs every three
days
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 to
be repeated
Wrong verb form
repeat
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 the same process to have more
bees
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 and much honey.
Submitted by Mido  on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bees, step, days with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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