IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee.
#life #cycle #honey #bee
This
 diagram analyzes in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 the life of
bees
 from
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 first
step
 as an egg to
reach its
Verb problem
their
show examples
 final
step
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in the form of a mature bee.
This
 process takes about 34 to 36
days
 to be completed in six stages.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
step
 the egg starts to hatch after nine to ten
days
.
secondly
, after another five
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
 the baby bee starts to get out of that small egg. From the seventh day to the
nineth
Correct your spelling
ninth
 day, it triples its size to be much bigger. In
this
step
, it reaches the stage of being
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 adult. After four
days
, it turns
to
Change preposition
out to
show examples
 be in the mature stage and now female
bees
 are fertile
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 are ready to put their eggs very soon. After female
bees
 are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fertilized they lay one to two eggs every three
days
 to
be repeated
Wrong verb form
repeat
show examples
 the same process to have more
bees
 and much honey.
Submitted by Mido  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words bees, step, days with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: