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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of library books read by boys and girls at Starmouth School from 2006 to the present. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparasions where relevant

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The line graph illustrates the figure of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 at starmouth school between 2006 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of boys increased sharply in 2012,
while
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 girls who read
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 decreased rapidly in the same year.
It is clear that
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, the
number
Use synonyms
 of gentlemen who read
books
Use synonyms
 by merely 50 in 2009.
Then
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, the
number
Use synonyms
 started to increase
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 80 in the year 2010. In 2011, there was a dramatic
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 to just over 100.
Moreover
Linking Words
, its annual
nomber
Correct your spelling
number
 of boys who read
books
Use synonyms
 a rocket of 40. Looking in more detail,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first year, the
number
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 of girls who read
books
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almost
Add a missing verb
was almost
show examples
 20.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there was a climb of 40 in 2010.
Finally
Linking Words
,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the following two years, there was a sudden drop
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 80. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
nearly
Add a missing verb
was nearly
show examples
 100 in 2011. The
number
Use synonyms
 of boys were more than girls in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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