All parent want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a child’s future. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion

This
dabate
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debates
whether today's curriculum
need
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needs
show examples
to enrich
real
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real-life
show examples
life
skills
or not
have
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has
show examples
sereval
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several
serious arguments from opposite angles. Some people claim that
children
should
lern
Correct your spelling
learn
more theoretic
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
in school,
while
I believe
to gain
Change the verb form
gaining
show examples
some
skills
is more facilitative for
children
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children's
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future. It is undeniable that parents
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
increasingly concerned with a
furute
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future
professional career and
a
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the
show examples
current educational path
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
children
,
due to
some
people
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people's
show examples
demand to add more
subject
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subjects
show examples
to school
program
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programs
show examples
. One of
essential
Add an article
the essential
show examples
reason
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reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
opinion is that
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the
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labor
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labour
show examples
market's
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market
show examples
requests have
rising
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a rising
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trend in
professional
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the professional
a professional
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field.
For example
, today's employee has to know
usage
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the usage
show examples
of artificial intelligence in their field if they want to occupy a prestige position and guarantee
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their job which is
this
Rephrase
why this
show examples
demand
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
not
done
Verb problem
apply
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appear
Wrong verb form
appeared
show examples
untill
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until
about past 2 years. In
additionally
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addition
show examples
,
children
have had habits with
internet
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the internet
show examples
and
virtual
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the virtual
show examples
world in
early
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the early
an early
show examples
period of
thier
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their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, distinctly today's adults, and they have a more extended capacity for learning contemporary
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
.
Nevertheless
,
arguments
Correct article usage
the arguments
show examples
above are advisable, there are
severel
Correct your spelling
several
satisfactory facts that it is better to teach
children
useful
skills
.
Firstly
,
children
have
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
less time for their hobbies and rest nowadays,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
learning more
theoretic
Correct word choice
theoretical
show examples
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
in school
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
this
reality
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
more attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
among
children
.
Secondly
, it is scientific
fakt
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fact
games and physical activity play
leading
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a leading
the leading
show examples
role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
brain's
Change noun form
brain
show examples
development which we can encourage
this
by adding some
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
skills
to
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
. Japon is one example of a country that has taken
this
action: Pupils clean classes themselves. By
such
primitive
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
habit
Add a comma
habit,
show examples
japonesees
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Japanese
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
pupils discipline and
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
which are both
skills
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
vital for success in future
life
. In conclusion, it is true that for future success
children
need to learn more subjects, but it is more important to integrate valuable
skills
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
for
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
show examples
life
between mental and bodily health and a brilliant career path.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion. However, some of your ideas and arguments could be more clearly expressed. Work on improving the clarity of your thoughts and ensuring each point is comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs some improvement. Some sections are hard to follow due to a mix of unrelated ideas in a single paragraph. Try to maintain a clearer paragraph structure where each paragraph discusses a single main point.
coherence cohesion
Additionally, work on improving transitions between different points and paragraphs. This will help the essay flow more smoothly and make it easier for the reader to identify and understand the different arguments being presented.
task achievement
You provide relevant specific examples, such as the reference to Japan's educational practices, which help illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame the discussion and provides a clear start and end to your argument.
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