All parent want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a child’s future. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion
This
dabate
whether today's curriculum Correct your spelling
debates
need
to enrich Change the verb form
needs
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
life
skills
or not have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
sereval
serious arguments from opposite angles. Some people claim that Correct your spelling
several
children
should lern
more theoretic Correct your spelling
learn
knowladge
in school, Correct your spelling
knowledge
while
I believe to gain
some Change the verb form
gaining
skills
is more facilitative for children
future.
It is undeniable that parents Change noun form
children's
have
increasingly concerned with a Verb problem
are
furute
professional career and Correct your spelling
future
a
current educational path Correct article usage
the
of
their Change preposition
for
children
, due to
some people
demand to add more Change noun form
people's
subject
to school Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
program
. One of Fix the agreement mistake
programs
essential
Add an article
the essential
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
of
Change preposition
for
this
opinion is thatCorrect article usage
the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
market's
requests have Change noun form
market
rising
trend in Add an article
a rising
professional
field. Add an article
the professional
a professional
For example
, today's employee has to know usage
of artificial intelligence in their field if they want to occupy a prestige position and guarantee Add an article
the usage
for
their job which is Change preposition
apply
this
demand Rephrase
why this
have
not Correct subject-verb agreement
has
done
Verb problem
apply
appear
Wrong verb form
appeared
untill
about past 2 years. In Correct your spelling
until
additionally
, Replace the word
addition
children
have had habits with internet
and Correct article usage
the internet
virtual
world in Correct article usage
the virtual
early
period of Add an article
the early
an early
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
, distinctly today's adults, and they have a more extended capacity for learning contemporary Fix the agreement mistake
lives
knowladge
.
Correct your spelling
knowledge
Nevertheless
, arguments
above are advisable, there are Correct article usage
the arguments
severel
satisfactory facts that it is better to teach Correct your spelling
several
children
useful skills
. Firstly
, children
have more
less time for their hobbies and rest nowadays, Change the word
apply
by
the reason Change preposition
apply
of
learning more Change preposition
for
theoretic
Correct word choice
theoretical
knowladge
in school Correct your spelling
knowledge
that
Add a missing verb
is that
this
reality results
more attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity Add the preposition
results in
results from
in
among Change preposition
apply
children
. Secondly
, it is scientific fakt
games and physical activity play Correct your spelling
fact
leading
role Add an article
a leading
the leading
for
Change preposition
in
brain's
development which we can encourage Change noun form
brain
this
by adding some real
Add a hyphen
real-life
life
skills
to curriculum
. Japon is one example of a country that has taken Add an article
the curriculum
this
action: Pupils clean classes themselves. By such
primitive Fix the agreement mistake
habits
habit
Add a comma
habit,
japonesees
Correct your spelling
Japanese
learn
pupils discipline and Verb problem
teach
labor
which are both Change the spelling
labour
skills
are
vital for success in future Correct pronoun usage
that are
life
.
In conclusion, it is true that for future success children
need to learn more subjects, but it is more important to integrate valuable skills
to
Change preposition
into
curriculum
for Add an article
the curriculum
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
life
between mental and bodily health and a brilliant career path.Submitted by i.nureddinn on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion. However, some of your ideas and arguments could be more clearly expressed. Work on improving the clarity of your thoughts and ensuring each point is comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs some improvement. Some sections are hard to follow due to a mix of unrelated ideas in a single paragraph. Try to maintain a clearer paragraph structure where each paragraph discusses a single main point.
coherence cohesion
Additionally, work on improving transitions between different points and paragraphs. This will help the essay flow more smoothly and make it easier for the reader to identify and understand the different arguments being presented.
task achievement
You provide relevant specific examples, such as the reference to Japan's educational practices, which help illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame the discussion and provides a clear start and end to your argument.