All parent want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a child’s future. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion

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This
dabate
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debates
whether today's curriculum
need
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needs
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to enrich
real
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real-life
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life
skills
or not
have
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has
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sereval
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several
serious arguments from opposite angles. Some people claim that
children
should
lern
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learn
more theoretic
knowladge
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knowledge
in school,
while
I believe
to gain
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gaining
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some
skills
is more facilitative for
children
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children's
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future. It is undeniable that parents
have
Verb problem
are
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increasingly concerned with a
furute
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future
professional career and
a
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the
show examples
current educational path
of
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for
show examples
their
children
,
due to
some
people
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people's
show examples
demand to add more
subject
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subjects
show examples
to school
program
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programs
show examples
. One of
essential
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the essential
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reason
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reasons
show examples
of
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for
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this
opinion is that
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the
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labor
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labour
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market's
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market
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requests have
rising
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a rising
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trend in
professional
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the professional
a professional
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field.
For example
, today's employee has to know
usage
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the usage
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of artificial intelligence in their field if they want to occupy a prestige position and guarantee
for
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apply
show examples
their job which is
this
Rephrase
why this
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demand
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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not
done
Verb problem
apply
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appear
Wrong verb form
appeared
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untill
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until
about past 2 years. In
additionally
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addition
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,
children
have had habits with
internet
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the internet
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and
virtual
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the virtual
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world in
early
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the early
an early
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period of
thier
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their
life
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lives
show examples
, distinctly today's adults, and they have a more extended capacity for learning contemporary
knowladge
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knowledge
.
Nevertheless
,
arguments
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the arguments
show examples
above are advisable, there are
severel
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several
satisfactory facts that it is better to teach
children
useful
skills
.
Firstly
,
children
have
more
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apply
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less time for their hobbies and rest nowadays,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
learning more
theoretic
Correct word choice
theoretical
show examples
knowladge
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knowledge
in school
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
this
reality
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
more attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity
in
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apply
show examples
among
children
.
Secondly
, it is scientific
fakt
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fact
games and physical activity play
leading
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a leading
the leading
show examples
role
for
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in
show examples
brain's
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brain
show examples
development which we can encourage
this
by adding some
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
skills
to
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
. Japon is one example of a country that has taken
this
action: Pupils clean classes themselves. By
such
primitive
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habits
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habit
Add a comma
habit,
show examples
japonesees
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Japanese
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
pupils discipline and
labor
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labour
show examples
which are both
skills
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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vital for success in future
life
. In conclusion, it is true that for future success
children
need to learn more subjects, but it is more important to integrate valuable
skills
to
Change preposition
into
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curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
for
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
show examples
life
between mental and bodily health and a brilliant career path.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion. However, some of your ideas and arguments could be more clearly expressed. Work on improving the clarity of your thoughts and ensuring each point is comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs some improvement. Some sections are hard to follow due to a mix of unrelated ideas in a single paragraph. Try to maintain a clearer paragraph structure where each paragraph discusses a single main point.
coherence cohesion
Additionally, work on improving transitions between different points and paragraphs. This will help the essay flow more smoothly and make it easier for the reader to identify and understand the different arguments being presented.
task achievement
You provide relevant specific examples, such as the reference to Japan's educational practices, which help illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame the discussion and provides a clear start and end to your argument.
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