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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

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Some territories implement new
laws
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 to limit employees' working
hours
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. In my opinion, these
laws
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 have pros and cons because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may increase
creativity
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.
However
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, It may
also
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 reduce the eficciency of
workers
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. First of all, I believe that these
laws
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 are implemented to make
workers
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 more efficient in their jobs.
Furthermore
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, they believe that these policies will protect employee rights. On the one hand, limiting working
hours
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 may enhance
creativity
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. If employees
work
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 less, they might give their everything to
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
, they can
focus
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 and think better and
innovative
Add a missing verb
have innovative
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ideas
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 more.
For instance
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, If
workers
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 have to
work
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 at least 8
hours
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 a day, they can get tired easily.
Moreover
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, they cannot
focus
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 very well because nobody can
focus
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 or think for 8
hours
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. If we decrease these
hours
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,
workers
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 may want to give their everything to think new
ideas
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 and
focus
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 because they do not get tired as much as their past working
hours
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.
Hence
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,
diminish
Wrong verb form
diminishing
show examples
 these
hours
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 may enhance their
focus
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 and productivity at
work
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.
On the other hand
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,
due to
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 these
policies
Add a comma
policies,
show examples
 people who do not care about their productivity and
creativity
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 may
work
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 less and inefficient at the
work
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.
For example
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, If they do not want to
work
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 and they do not care how
much idea
Change the quantifier
many ideas
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 they think
or
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of or
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 how can they
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 their
creativeness
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
, these
laws
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 make them lazier than ever because they do not have to
work
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 for
hours
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 right now, they just have to go to the
work
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, spend your time with nonsense activities, get paid and repeat everything.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 They have to
work
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 8
hours
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 at
work
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, they do not care what they do.
As a result
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 of
this
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, reducing working
hours
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 might
also
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 reduce the new
ideas
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 from people who have to
work
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 for
hours
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 and more.
To sum up
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, Some governments introduced new policies to limit working
hours
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. I believe they
introduce
Wrong verb form
introduced
show examples
 these
laws
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 because they think these
laws
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 may increase efficiency and
creativity
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 at
work
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. In my opinion, these
laws
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 have advantages
as well as
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 disadvantages because I argue that If
workers
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 want to create innovative
ideas
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 they have to give their all
focus
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 at
work
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 and they should not get tired so much.
Nevertheless
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, If
workers
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 do not want to
work
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 and think creative
ideas
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,
this
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reduce
Replace the word
reduction
show examples
 in working
hours
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 may affect their productivity in a negative way.

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task achievement
Your essay presents relevant ideas. To improve, ensure every point you make is clearly developed with specific examples and explanations. For instance, the argument about increasing creativity could be expanded with more specific workplace examples and studies that support this claim.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next with clear linkage phrases. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea that ties back to your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-formed and address the essay prompt effectively.
task achievement
You bring up relevant points and examples, such as the potential impacts on creativity and productivity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Burnout
  • 2. Work-life balance
  • 3. Productivity
  • 4. Diminishing returns
  • 5. Ethical responsibility
  • 6. Exploitation
  • 7. Fair labor practices
  • 8. Chronic illnesses
  • 9. Job creation
  • 10. Unemployment rates
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