IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? and is it positive or negative development?

#countries #people #hours #work #happen #development
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In the current era of industrialization, there are many
people
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 who live in some countries that take long hours to
work
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, which gradually become a trend
in
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among
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 the citizens of some countries for a range of reasons.
Furthermore
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, I would argue that the drawbacks of it outweigh the benefits. There are three key reasons why
the
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apply
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workers spend long hours at
work
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.
Firstly
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, the
work
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 environment fosters inspiration of
work
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 for labourers
,
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apply
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 and addresses different problems directly. In fact, when
people
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work
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 at a place where there are a lot of
people
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that
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apply
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they have made an effort to complete their tasks, which forces workers to do.
Secondly
Linking Words
, many
employees
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 have to deal with a heavy workload and complete a lot of plans.
Finally
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, the more and more talented labour force
appear
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appears
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,
accordingly
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 they must
work
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 the whole day at the company in order to search for the opportunity of promotion and compete with new
employees
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.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 issue has a negative impact on development. As a matter of
fact
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fact,
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employees
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 are engaged in a corporation for long hours,
they
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and they
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 have trouble
in
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apply
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balancing
between
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apply
show examples
work
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 and relationships around them. That places
people
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 under pressure in an uncomfortable
work
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 environment. The fixed and rigid working schedule makes them have no time for themselves, and having to strictly follow orders can lose creativity.
Moreover
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, without taking a
day-off
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day off
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,
employees
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 would be exhausted,
due to
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 mental health conditions
such
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 as depression, ergophobia and so on. From the business perspective, the productivity of products has decreased, and no new products have been created to keep up with market demand, making enterprises on the verge of bankruptcy. In conclusion,
although
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 it might seem sensible for individuals who can balance their
work
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 reasonably, I consider it to be an adverse development
overall
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.
Submitted by document.hanie on

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task achievement
Although your essay addresses the prompt well, providing reasons why people spend long hours at work and arguing for the negative development, consider adding more specific examples. This helps to solidify your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on polishing your transition phrases and ensuring that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next to elevate the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You've clearly addressed the task prompt thoroughly, touching on both aspects of the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is solid, with each paragraph addressing a specific point related to your main argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
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