IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disargree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs #disargree
Most people believe that male and female qualities are not similar, and
this
 creates the mindset that there are great differences in their suitable jobs. I strongly disagree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will discuss why both men and women can be good in any profession.
Firstly
, the academic and physical abilities of both genders are largely the same.
For example
, scientists have shown that there are little differences in mathematical skills between them.
This
 means that they can perform equally well in many fields
such
 as engineering, finance, and technology.
Secondly
, many women are entering
traditional
Change the adjective
traditionally
show examples
 male-dominated fields.
For instance
, ladies are increasing in technological, mathematical, and scientific areas,
while
 men are becoming more medicine and teaching. These changes show that with the right education and opportunities, these two genders can be in all jobs. In conclusion,
while
 there are some weaknesses between males and females, these weaknesses are not enough to generate
this
 mindset. Each person has a different way of thinking. We can't divide people into groups based on gender.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to substantiate your points. For instance, mentioning particular studies or statistics can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Try to expand on your main points with additional details or explanations. This will make your argument more comprehensive and compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the flow between your ideas. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and dynamic.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided some relevant examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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