Unemployment is a growing problem all over the world. What are the causes of this? What could be done to help tackle this issue? To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Increasing in the number of unemployment has become an
issue
nowadays. There are several reasons why this
case would lead to the issue
, such
as higher qualification recruitment, and the economic crisis. However
, there are certain ways to address this
issue
.
The main reason why people are jobless because the requirement of higher qualification backgrounds to apply for professions. Multinational companies
as a clear example, those who aim to get a job in these companies
, need higher education backgrounds including 2 years experiences of working, graduating with honours, and personalities fitting with their teamwork. When you have qualified from these sources, you will have a higher chance of being selected by those companies
. By contrast
, those who do not have those particular skills, will not be able to join as their members. The other reason is the economic crisis due to
the COVID-19 pandemic, various companies
and industries have suffered from world issues. Some companies
went bankrupt, which affected the employees who worked under those companies
. They might lose their jobs
in case the company cannot recover from those problems. As a result
, most of them would become unemployed.
Despite the causes of this
issue
, there are also
several ways to tackle these problems. Firstly
, the company should give their chances to perform as an internship in order to see their potential capabilities. Because we can not define them through their experiences and the grades that they are holding. By doing this
, they will illustrate their potential to companies
and have a chance of getting jobs
. In addition
, the government should respond to this
problem since they have the ability to bond connections with other countries and unlock the diverse market jobs
for investment and also
freshly graduated students. Consequently
, the economy may grow and also
give opportunities to local people and investors.
In conclusion, the higher qualifications that are required to be employments and the economic crisis will have a negative impact to be unemployment. However
, this
problem can be solved by giving opportunities to perform first before making a decision, and the government have the power to build connections which unlock opportunities for them to get jobs
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task achievement
You effectively introduced the topic, explained the causes of unemployment, and suggested potential solutions. However, make sure that each paragraph clearly addresses only one main idea to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You presented clear ideas and relevant examples. Still, aim for more specific illustrations and explanations, as this will help you achieve higher scores. For instance, provide specific examples of measures taken by governments in the past to tackle unemployment successfully.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but some sentences are slightly awkward or unclear. Focus on enhancing sentence structure and ensuring that each sentence flows logically from the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main argument of the essay. Some points, such as the impact of internships, could be elaborated further or divided into separate paragraphs for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You stayed on topic and provided a comprehensive response to the prompt, highlighting both causes of unemployment and potential solutions.
task achievement
You included relevant examples and explanations to support your points, which helped to strengthen your arguments overall.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example