IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that it is better to work for a large company than a small one. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #company
In recent decades, some employees prefer working in large
companies
 to working for
companies
 which work with a limited number of individuals.
Although
 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 negative issues associated with being employed by major firms, I wholeheartedly believe that working with them can be a valuable experience. Advocates, including me, opine that
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
 in large-scale businesses might benefit from working there.
Firstly
, the opportunities for promotion in
this
 type of firm are more than other firms.
Secondly
,
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 following some rules and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 suitable efforts in the way of enhancing, everyone can
reach
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 enchanting successes.
Thirdly
 being a member of famous and successful
companies
 and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of satisfaction provide some levels of confidence or
proud
Replace the word
pride
show examples
 for them.
For example
, Apple company often make incredible improvements in their products which get positive attention from
customer
Add an article
the customer
a customer
show examples
,
then
, their employee regularly
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 some respect and appreciation from them.
On the other hand
,
such
 pressure of the competition among leading
companies
, that their experts experience
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant stress.
Additionally
, in small firms which is run by a few circle people, their employees can witness a variety of intimation.
Therefore
, these close relations induce a sense of being in a family. Given the fact that in multinational corporations, relationships mostly are based on the qualities of work with prominent rules.
For instance
, based on an article
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
carries
Wrong verb form
carried
show examples
 out in 20 local shops in Tehran, revealed that
although
 their employee
benefit
Change the verb form
benefits
show examples
 from working there, most of them are often dreaming
regarding
Change preposition
about
show examples
 working in major corporations. In conclusion, given the
facilitate
Wrong verb form
facilitated
show examples
 working in
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 firm, I firmly believe that many chances are waiting for anyone who
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 fond of
promoting
Replace the word
promotion
show examples
 in large
companies
, which I elaborated my reasons
in
Change preposition
for in
show examples
this
 essay.
Submitted by saharaqajani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, make sure every point is clearly explained and directly connected to the main argument. Avoid vague statements and ensure that every example you provide directly supports your argument.
coherence cohesion
Working on your coherence and cohesion would involve further structuring your essay logically. Make clear, logical transitions between paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
language
In terms of language, try to vary your sentence structure and use more sophisticated vocabulary to improve readability and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your essay and giving it a cohesive structure.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples which help to illustrate your points and provide concrete evidence for your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view which is important for a comprehensive response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • corporate culture
  • hierarchy
  • marketability
  • professional development
  • entrepreneurial
  • autonomy
  • networking
  • prestigious
  • job security
  • scale of operations
  • benefits package
  • research and development
  • innovation
  • professional networking
  • career advancement
  • organizational structure
  • flatter hierarchy
  • versatile skill set
  • benefits
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: