Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be byeee to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Securing a job is the paramount goal for every student. Some of them are able to achieve
while
the
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apply
show examples
others struggle for it. There is an ongoing debate
between
Change preposition
about
show examples
the option
avaible
Correct your spelling
available
for an
invidual
Correct your spelling
individual
either to opt for higher studies for better career
opportunies
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opportunities
or
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
practical
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
instead
. I believe it's not just a degree or university qualification but
also
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
on practical
knowledge
. on the one hand,
a higher studies
Correct the article-noun agreement
higher studies
a higher study
show examples
could be crucial to get a good job, but
guranteeing
Correct your spelling
guaranteeing
a sophisticated career would not be appropriate to claim. Because school courses are more of
theoratical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
knowledge
with a little combination of practical awareness like internships, which will not be enough for an individual to get
at
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to
show examples
the top and secure a job.
Whereas
,
on the other hand
, indulging in
the
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apply
show examples
practical
practicies
Correct your spelling
practices
will allow
pupil
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a pupil
the pupil
show examples
to gain experience in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
certain fields and help them to achieve their dream jobs.
For instance
, a hospital will not risk its reputation to hire a surgeon with no practical skills, which can affect the image of a hospital in public,
while
the same hospital will prefer to hire a surgeon with 2 to 3 years of experience because they can understand that he can perform better in surgeries with the help of his practical
knowledge
. In conclusion, I believe that not just a college or a university degree can guarantee a post because it is based on theoretical
knowledge
.
Although
theoretical
knowledge
is mandatory too, but, practical
knowledge
is preferable in nowadays world.
Submitted by gpreetmehanger on

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grammar
Check for spelling and grammatical errors such as 'avaible' (should be 'available') and 'theoratical' (should be 'theoretical').
introduction
Improve the clarity in the introduction by clearly stating your opinion and the structure of the essay.
examples
Expand the supporting points with more specific examples and deeper analysis.
cohesion
Enhance transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas.
task response
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of task.
conclusion
Good attempt at providing an opinion and a conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialized knowledge
  • positions of responsibility
  • career growth
  • academic achievements
  • dedication
  • discipline
  • practical skills
  • industry
  • financial independence
  • on-the-job training
  • networking
  • theoretical knowledge
  • higher education
  • career advancement
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