The percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer solution.
Over the
last
decade, there is
a 20 per cent increase Wrong verb form
has been
of
obese Change preposition
in
children
in western
societies. It can be seen that these days there are many causes and effects of Capitalize word
Western
the
adolescents being overweight at Correct article usage
apply
such
a young age. In this
essay, we will discuss the main factors of why it happened and solutions to lessen this
problem.
One of the main causes that we can see is the easy access of
junk Change preposition
to
food
and its availability. This
type of food
can be obtained easily in any supermarket with a low price which makes it easier for parents to buy it for their children
. Other than that, most of the kids are not exposed with
diet practices and not knowing the ingredients that they Change preposition
to
consumed
are bad for their health. Kids are often seen to be eating snacks during their free time and turning it into a habit until they Wrong verb form
consume
turned
overweight as they rarely play outside and prefer to stay inside playing games Wrong verb form
turn
while
snacking.
However
, this
issue can be mitigated by increasing the tax on junk food
by the government to ensure that citizens lead a healthy lifestyle and encouraging them to cook more at home to guarantee eating wholesome food
. Moreover
, guardians can teach their children
to eat more vegetables and fruits frequently since young to make sure they get used to it and not wanting
to eat junk Wrong verb form
want
food
as their nibbles. Adolescents can also
become more fit and grow up accordingly
to their age.
In conclusion, parents need to play their roles Correct your spelling
according
into
turning their Change preposition
in
children
to eat beneficially. Some of the factors can be prevent
by taking the right actions as kids need to consume good Change the verb form
be prevented
food
to avoid unwanted diseases such
as being obese
, diabetes and others at an early age.Wrong verb form
obesity
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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt well, including a clear introduction and conclusion, improving specificity in your examples will enhance your arguments. Try to include data or real-life cases which better illustrate your points.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with evidence or examples. This will strengthen the arguments and make the essay more convincing. For instance, you might explain how specific types of junk foods contribute to obesity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally clear and well-organized. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
miscellaneous
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings which could be improved for clearer communication. For example, "...turning their children to eat beneficially..." could be revised to "...encouraging their children to eat healthily...".
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your essay.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured. Each paragraph discusses a distinct point, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You proposed viable solutions, showing awareness of potential governmental and parental roles in mitigating the problem.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.