IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The television is good for you. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of watching television. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your experience.

#television #advantage #reason
People have different views about the benefits and drawbacks of watching
TV
.
While
 there are some drawbacks to watching television, I believe that watching shows usually has more positive effects. On the one hand, there are several reasons why I would agree with viewing broadcasts.
Firstly
,
TV
 can help us gain various knowledge and enhance our awareness in different zones,
for example
, some channels may teach about academic studies which can help us deepen our understanding of the world.
Secondly
, it allows us to stop surfing online through our phones, which
TV
 has large screens can have a family sit together and chat with each other.
Finally
, watching
TV
also
 helps us to relax and calm down,
for instance
, watching some drama or reality shows can release stress and stop thinking about work and studies.
On the other hand
, there are several factors that may have negative impacts on us.
Firstly
, it may cause some health issues
such
 as obesity and eye strain, because sitting on the couch for a long
time
 and staring at
TV
 will lead to less exercise and increased weight. Another key factor is that there are a lot of adverts on all the channels and content that promote negative stereotypes or unrealistic expectations of the public.
In addition
 to
this
, people watching too much
TV
 can lead to poor
time
 management, reducing productivity, efficiency and
time
 for important tasks. In a nutshell, watching television can be a way for families to spend quality
time
 together and provide a wide range of news to the world.
Therefore
, I would argue that the advantages of watching television
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
outweigh the disadvantages. After people spend more
time
 on
TV
instead
 of cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, they can have more positive effects and become more unruffled.
Submitted by 57025371 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments. For example, refer to a specific educational channel or a particular type of programming that aids relaxation.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next. Using linking words like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'nevertheless' can help improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well.
task achievement
You provided balanced arguments, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages comprehensively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • informed
  • awareness
  • educational programs
  • skills
  • entertainment
  • relaxation
  • prolonged
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • mental well-being
  • violent content
  • productivity
  • stereotypes
  • unrealistic expectations
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